Make Like A Tree & Leave

Every year at about this time, when I finally finish raking up all of the leaves from last year, I think to myself, "Gee, we should really start hanging out in the yard a little more." I could put up the screen house, buy a grill, maybe even get one of those little portable swimming pools and set up in the backyard. That sure would be fun. Wouldn't it?

Well, then I get bit by one or twenty of the millions of mosquitoes that are always hanging out in my yard. Or, a squirrel starts throwing leaves and twigs at me as I lounge in my lawn chair. Or, the birds start up again with incessant squawking and tweeting. Or, the neighbors start leering at me through their windows. Or, the ants start building new colonies in my armpits. Or, along comes a spider to sit down beside me. Or, the oppressive heat and humidity start to melt me. Or... well let's just say that it's always something.

Every year at about this time, when I finally finish raking up the leaves from last year, I think to myself that I am probably much better off staying inside in front of the air conditioner for the whole summer.