Greetings From Sunny Nude Jersey

It started out as a trip to Holmdel, New Jersey to see Rush... for like the 46th zillionth time this year! Of course, I had to find the closest roller coaster to the venue and squeeze in a quick trip to ride it. Turns out that there is a small park called Keansburg Amusement Park only a few miles from the concert hall with a nice little roller coaster called The Wild Cat. It's a small coaster, but it's one that I had never ridden before, so I could certainly add it to my list!

So, I'm on Mapquest getting my bearings straight in anticipation for the trip. I'm looking at maps and roads and cities and stuff. The area we were traveling to is really close to the shore. Right on the Atlantic Ocean. So, I'm checking out the beaches when I happen across a beach named Gunnison Beach at Sandy Hook.

Hmmmmm... Why does that name sound so familiar to me?

A-ha! Now I remember! Gunnison Beach is a clothing optional beach. A nude beach! Oh, we are so going to make a stop at Gunnison Beach on this trip!

So, we set out on our journey on Saturday morning. We had a big day ahead of us, so we got an early start. Let me pause here for a moment to tell you a few things that I learned about New Jersey while on this trip:

1. EVERYONE in New Jersey goes to the shore on Saturday.
2. There is always a Bon Jovi song playing on the radio somewhere in New Jersey.
3. There are a whole lot of titty bars in New Jersey.
4. The radio stations that are not playing Bon Jovi songs are probably playing Guns N' Roses songs.
5. Apparently, left turns are illegal in new Jersey.

So, anyway, we get to our destination and based on signs telling us that "Sandy Hook beaches are full!" we decide to go ride the roller coaster first. It's a fun little ride, but it's just about all that the park has to offer. So, after 30 minutes or so, I'm ready to go and get naked at the beach. So, we hopped in the car and went off to our next destination.

We arrived at the nudie beach about a half an hour later. I have to admit, at this point, I was getting a little nervous. I had never been to a nude beach before. Nude hot tubs? Yes! Naked pool parties? Yes! Naked public beaches? Um, no! So, I have no idea how my little friend is going to react to being set free out in public on a beach full of other naked people. I'm also a little concerned about just what kind of naked people I might encounter at a nude beach.

My head fills up with images of hundreds of 90 year old ladies and men. All pruny and naked. Strolling along the beach. The ladies with their boobies dragging along behind them in the sand. The men with their scrotums doing the same thing. It's a very scary picture, and I was quite frightened by it.

Our short walk from the parking lot to the beach eased my mind some though. There were plenty of hotties going to and coming from the beach. Of course, that does nothing to calm my first concern!

We get to the beach, set up our chairs, lay down a blanket and immediately, Mumi strips! Naked! Uh-oh. That's not going to bode well for me and my little friend. He immediately starts getting excited about all of this. What do I do? I must think nasty thoughts! Think about vaginas! Think about vaginas! Fortunately, there are plenty of naked vaginas all around me, so it's not too tough for me to get that mental picture. My swelling slowly subsides and I yank my shorts off and stand there in all my naked glory.

Now, let me tell you how it felt...

Absolutely wonderful! One of the best feelings I have ever had in my entire life. Just sitting there with the wind between my legs. That cool ocean breeze blowing through my every (and I do mean EVERY) nook and cranny. It was so awesome. I loved it.

After warming in the sun for a bit, Mumi suggested that we take a stroll along the beach. Um, naked? I don't know if I can do that. What if I get too far away from the blanket and away from my clothes and things start to... you know... happen? I put my shorts back on for the stroll down the beach. I just couldn't take any chances.

So, we got back to the blanket and laid out some more. I checked out the sights. There were plenty of nice sights and plenty of not so nice sights and even some "that's surely gonna give me nightmares" sights! In case you didn't already know it, penises come in many different shapes and sizes... and colors too! There are big ones, little ones, skinny ones, fat ones, cut ones, uncut ones and even ones that are apparently inverted. Whoa! That was weird!

After sitting for a while longer, I decided that I wanted to go for another stroll. This time without my clothes! It was just something I had to do. I can't tell you why. I just knew that I had to do it though. So, I got up and slowly walked away from the security of my beach blanket and my shorts. I got all the way down to the water and you know what happened? Nothing! Nothing at all! So, I walked further along, down the beach, enjoying the fact that people were looking at me (and at Mumi) in all our naked glory. I was looking at them too. It was nice. I realized that I was finally right where I wanted to be.

I was at home...

I stood there for a few minutes enjoying this new found sense of peace and wonderment until Mumi said, "Hey! Get your shorts on. We've got a Rush concert to get to!"

Ugh!