Our Little Glen Burnie Christmas Miracle

"For unto you is born this day in the city of Glen Burnie a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord."

We got into Glen Burnie late at night on Christmas Eve. All of the flop-houses were booked full with big-haired, long-nailed 50¢ hookers performing their own "Christmas miracles" on their greasy, rotund, Camaro-driving Johns. There was not a room to be found anywhere for Mumi and me, not even at the Econo Lodge. So, we were graciously given a place to rest for the night inside a few cardboard boxes taped all together with duct tape behind the local Pep Boys store.

Very shortly after midnight, Mumi began to feel pains in his stomach. He figured it was just that Ann's footlong hot dog "with everything" that he had eaten earlier in the day coming back to haunt him, so he made a mad dash jumping from out of the cardboard boxes, and he headed straight for the bathroom at the 24 hour "Cheapest Gas" convenience store next door.

Well, it wasn't gas that Mumi had... You see, it seems that Mumi must have had his own little Immaculate Conception somewhere along the way this past year. What popped out of him this past Christmas morning had nothing to do with the nasty, greasy footlong hot dog he had eaten the night before. It was a baby! A brand new miracle baby! The second coming of Jesus! Hallelujah! (He has his father's eyes, don'tcha think?)

We were so excited, to say the least! So were the Pep Boys, Manny, Moe and Jack. They brought our new baby gifts of tire irons, 10W-30 synthetic motor oil and fuzzy dice to hang from our rear view mirror. Best of all, Jimmy Chalfant, the legendary drummer for the now defunct local Baltimore rock band, Kix came by to play his drum for our little miracle baby. It was a kick-ass night for sure! Certainly a Christmas that I will not soon forget.