E=mc DUMB!

When I was in the fourth grade, I had two teachers. Miss Rafferty was my teacher for most of the day, every subject except for science. Miss Hanvey was my science teacher. Some time during the day, Miss Hanvey would come over to our classroom and teach us science, and Miss Rafferty would go over next door to Miss Hanvey's classroom and teach them language arts. Sometimes, our regular teachers would be out sick or whatever, so we would have a substitute teacher.

I remember on more than one occasion when Miss Hanvey was "out sick" and her substitute would be another woman named Miss Hanvey who looked just like the regular Miss Hanvey. Same body style, same facial features. The only differences were their eyeglasses and their hairstyles. Those were the only differences between the two women. Otherwise, these women could have been twin sisters. In fact, that is what our regular Miss Hanvey would always tell us when she got back from "being sick" or whatever. She would ask us if we enjoyed having her twin sister as our substitute teacher.

The funny thing is that whenever the substitute Miss Hanvey would come in to cover for her "sister", she would try to teach us things about science that, even as fourth graders, we knew were just not true. Some examples include the day she tried to convince us that the sound of thunder was caused by what the lightning bolts hit. Or, the day that she declared that the moon glows all by itself with no help from the sun. Or, the day she told us that plants grow by eating dirt through the mouths their roots. Seriously! What's worse is if we dared to disagree with the substitute Miss Hanvey about any of these so called scientific facts, she would threaten us by reminding us that she was twin sisters with the real Miss Hanvey and she could very easily persuade the real Miss Hanvey to flunk us all for being so stupid.

Thinking back on it all, I'm not sure if our Miss Hanvey was just a schizophrenic or if she just really got off on fucking with little fourth grade kids' heads. Who knows? Maybe Miss Hanvey really did have a twin sister and it was the twin sister who was crazy. All I know is that this is why I could never be an elementary school teacher. All I would want to do is mess with the kids' heads. I'd teach them things like you can get pregnant by drinking out of the same cup as someone else. Or, that liver and onions and Brussels sprouts cause cancer. Or, that you don't really have to get good grades, or be successful at anything at all really, even if you want to become president of the United States. (Oh wait, apparently that last one is actually true...)

Man, now that would be FUN!