Personal Preoccupation

I realized today that even though I have been blogging now for like 60 years or so, I have yet to share with you any really, secret personal details about myself. Sure, you know my first name and you know that I live in fancy Glen Burnie. And you know that I live with a cute little monkey and a dog, but you don't even know what my favorite color is. You don't know what my favorite number is. You don't know if I prefer boxers or briefs. (For the record, I prefer being naked most of the time.) You don't even know what my favorite food is. I'm just so mysterious!

Believe me, all of this secrecy was totally not intentional. It just happened that way. It just seemed to me that anything else that I could possibly blog about had to be more exciting than blah-blahing about little 'ole me.

In an effort to familiarize you all a little more with the man behind the curtain, I hope to start blogging about the more personal things in my life. We'll start with my job. Here are a bunch of hints about how life is at my place of employment. See if you can figure out what I do for a living.

(No fair if you have already met me live and in person and beat the secret mystery of my employment out of me!)

Where I work...

• I get to feel a lot of balls every day.
• many more people leave at the end of the day poorer than when they arrived.
• I usually do not have to pay for my meals. Management buys them for me most of the time.
• I might be serving less than 50 people on some days, or I could be serving over 1,000 people on other days.
• some people leave at the end of the day wealthier than when they arrived.
• there are computers.
• I get cussed at by the customers sometimes.
• I might say the word "balls" several times a day.
• sometimes I stuff envelopes.
• I have counted millions of dollars.
• I cuss at the customers sometimes.
• I have frequently called my bosses assholes to their faces without getting fired.
• I am completely out and no one cares.
• people smoke a lot of cigarettes.
• numbers are very important.
• I make a hell of a lot of tips.
• I don't have to wear a suit and tie.
• I can make my own schedule.
• there are claw machines.
• there is a lot of deep fried food.
• we sell gift certificates.
• I am not allowed to wait on my family if they happen to be there.

Where do I work, and what do I do?