Bubala, Mumi & Max

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Hey Mumi! What Did You Do On Your Summer Vacation?

That about sums it up!

The Bald Monkey: So, Mumi, you've had a pretty busy summer, haven't you? Are you glad to be back at school?
Mumi: Well, I'm not actually in school any more.
The Bald Monkey: Oh. Okay then. What did you do on your summer vacation?
Mumi: Oh, lot's of stuff. You know... bike rides, concerts, amusement parks, the beach.
The Bald Monkey: Really? Care to elaborate on those a little bit more? (The Bald Monkey lights up a reefer and inhales deeply.)
Mumi: Well, last spring we went down to Orlando to catch one of the early shows on the 2008 Rush tour. We had 5th row tickets. Harry Satchel, the chicken guy and that new action figure I want for Christmas so much all played a great show. We also ran into John Wesley, the second guitarist from Porcupine Tree. He was surprised to see us there. The next day, Bubala and I went to Universal Studios, and I got to meet Curious George and The Man with the Yellow Hat. Then, we saw the Blue Man Group later that evening.

Harry Satchel

Chicken Man!

Neil Peart Action Figure Rocks!

OMG! Curious George!

The Bald Monkey: Interesting.
Mumi: Then, in May, we saw The B-52s at The 9:30 Club and Duran Duran at Merriweather.

The B-52's

Duran Duran

The Bald Monkey: How nice for you. (...exhale of smoke...)
Mumi: Then, in early June, we saw the True Colors tour as it swung through DC. I got VIP meet and greet 2nd row tickets for Bubala as an early birthday present. So, we got our pictures taken with Cyndi Lauper.


The Bald Monkey: How was that? Was Cyndi just the adorable little Betty Boop character that she always is?
Mumi: The show was great. The B-52's were awesome again. Carson Kressley tried to get me to go back to his hotel room with him. (Yucko!) Fred Schneider kept eyeing me over and pointing at me and saying things like "There's the G-spot! Pull the car over!"
The Bald Monkey: And Cyndi? What about Cyndi?
Mumi: Well, we got our picture taken with her, but she seemed a little too high strung for me to hang out with though.
The Bald Monkey: Oh? A bit of a Beeyatch?
Mumi: Yeah. Then, later that month we made our way up to Philly to see Rush. We didn't realize until we were there that Jimmy Buffett was playing a show at the same time in the football stadium right next to the hockey arena where Rush was playing. The parrotheads started partying at 8am so the party was in full swing with parrot hats and grass skirts and leis by the time we showed up. And, some of them were even nasty enough to say "Rush sucks!" as we walked by on our way to the show. After a three hour show, pumped up Rush fans exited the arena only to find out Jimmy Buffet fans got cheated out of an hour of their show because of rain! Ha Ha! To make it up to us for having to deal with asshole Jimmy Buffet fans, we were treated to an extended fireworks display (courtesy of Jimmy Buffett) as we made our way to our cars. Thanks Jimmy.
The Bald Monkey: All right!
Mumi: We also took a few trips to Six Flags America which is really close to our home. We went to the Baltimore Gay Pride block party which seemed more like bring your straight friends to the Gay Pride day block party. We didn't stay too long. The next day, we made our way to The 9:30 Club the see Fish play an awesome show. It's been about 8 years since he's toured the US, and it was great to see him back in action. (To those of you unfamiliar with him, Fish is a big Scottish bear of a man who used to front Marillion in the 80's. He‘s now a solo music act and an English screen actor.)

The Other Fish

The Bald Monkey: I love Fish. He's like Sean Connery mixed with Henry Rollins mixed with strong vodka.
Mumi: Then, we went to Kennywood in Pittsburgh. It's a quaint little amusement park. One of the oldest in the country. We always have a good time there. That evening, Rush played a mind blowing show in Pittsburgh. The best of the 2008 tour, if you ask me. They may be old, but playing that kind of music together for 34 years can make for a band that is so tight, it's loose. Pittsburgh is also the city where Rush played their first gig with Neil Peart on their first ever major tour. There were lots of hardcore fans there like me.
The Bald Monkey: Sounds Rockin' (...exhale of smoke...)
Mumi: It was. In contrast though, the next Rush show we went to two days later was in Atlantic City on the 4th of July. The Trump Taj Mahal gave out the first ten rows of tickets to their customers (Not Rush fans!) who were drunk assholes who had no interest in Rush at all. They drank too much, picked fights, sat around and yawned, sat around and texted and fell asleep for three hours. All while this incredible burst of energy was in front of them and all around them. I was in the 15th row center for this one, and let's just say Atlantic City can't keep up with the Rush crowd.
The Bald Monkey: Oh well. You roll the bones, eh? they can't all be great.
Mumi: They are all great shows. The crowds sometimes leave a lot to be desired. Then, we went up to Sandy Hook, New Jersey to a nude beach up there. It was crowded, and there was this party going on where they were encouraging folks to come up and Limbo nude and there were some hot babes there (the girl kind) that were all body painted like in the 60's. I was quite comfortable naked. Bubala, on the other hand, had some trouble with his ever present raging boner, but there were enough huge guts, fat asses, dragging breasts, and sagging testicles to help to calm that thing down. We didn't get in the water. We just walked around and felt the sun and the summer breeze. Later that night, I went to my 40th Rush concert in Holmdel, New Jersey.

Nude Beach!

The Bald Monkey: 40 shows? Wow! Do you get a special badge for that?
Mumi: No. It's just another show. And, when you are talking about a band as old as Rush, there are plenty of folks out there that have seen 80, 90, 100 or more shows.
The Bald Monkey: I bet that they don't have girlfriends and that they live in their parents' basements.
Mumi: How do you think they can afford all those tickets?
The Bald Monkey: Then what happened?
Mumi: Then, Rush played their first US TV appearance in 33 years on the Colbert Report.
The Bald Monkey: Really? (...cough, cough...)
Mumi: Yep! Stephen Colbert interviewed all three of them at the same time (something that never happens anymore) and they jammed on Tom Sawyer for 24 hours. It went on so long that Bubala and I went to Hersheypark, had a great time and then saw another three hour Rush concert. The first time I've ever seen them without a roof over my head. Fortunately, it didn't rain. Then, we came home and Rush finished up the song on the next evening's Colbert Report!
The Bald Monkey: Wow! Was that it for the Rush shows then?
Mumi: Ha! Bubala wishes! No, there was one more show here at Nissan Pavilion and we had seats in trhe 4th row, center, right in front of Ged who sang all of the songs directly to me. At this show and at the Hershey show, the temperature was in the mid 90's. I probably sweated off 10 lbs at these two shows alone.
The Bald Monkey: So, the Rush tour was a lot of fun, huh? Was that it for concerts this summer?
Mumi: That was the last Rush show, but the next night, we made our way down to the 9:30 Club to see the Yaz(oo) reunion tour. Bubala is a big fan. I've been listening in one form or another since the early 80's. The show was very good. A lot of fun. In contrast though, I am still scratching my head thinking about the Rush shows where all of these straight guys are going crazy for a short skinny guy with a big nose. (Geddy Lee) And, at the Yaz(oo) concert, all these gay guys were going absolutely ape shit bananas for a huge hippotamus of a woman. (Alison Moyet) Each yields their own bit of musical magic but you'd think the gay guys would like the dude and the straight guys would like the woman.
The Bald Monkey: Yeah. I don't quite get that one either. Hey, you want a hit man?
Mumi: No, I'm good.
The Bald Monkey: I can see a bunch of black dudes that like big butts digging Alyson Moyet, but I don't see Geddy Lee being Raging Stallion material.
Mumi: No. I guess not.
The Bald Monkey: Speaking of that, did you and Bubala get into any of that Main Monkey Business this summer? Come on Mumi, give us some dirt. Some tawdry tale of sweaty summer monkey sex?
Mumi: Well, we did go up to Six Flags Great Adventure and had a wonderful time there. They have some great coasters there. My favorite is Nitro while Bubala prefers El Toro. Both are able to give you a feeling of euphoria similar to that of an orgasm. If you really want a tawdry tale though, through all of these trips, we played our now infamous game called “i-Pud.” Every time a song comes on the radio that is on your i-Pod, you have to pull your dick out. I have all the Led Zeppelin, Pink Floyd, Beatles and Who songs on my i-Pod, so if Bubala finds a classic rock station, it's just a matter of time until they play one on my i-Pod. Turnabout is fair play though if we find an all 80's radio station. The thing is that Bubala doesn't ever want to stop playing the i-Pud game. Whenever we are just out at the mall and a song comes on, he'll say to me, "This song is on your i-Pod!"
The Bald Monkey: (...heavy breathing...) So? Do you whip it out right there in the mall?
Mumi: Ummm... no. So, the next thing we did was go to a going away party for our best buddy Greg. (The Bowie Cub)
The Bald Monkey: Where did he go away to?
Mumi: He was offered a job in Tampa, Florida. So, he packed up his boyfriend and moved down there where his folks are.
The Bald Monkey: Good for him.
Mumi: Yeah, but we miss him a lot already. We've started accepting applications for a new best buddy.
The Bald Monkey: Any good applicants yet?
Mumi: No. Nothing even close yet. Oh well! So, last month, I went by myself to see the reformed King Crimson in concert.
The Bald Monkey: Are they on your i-Pod?
Mumi: Yeah. Everything they've done. And, after almost 40 years, it piles up.
The Bald Monkey: Do you want to go and listen to music?
Mumi: Yeah. King Crimson was mind blowing. Tony Levin is back in the line-up playing bass and stick. Gavin Harrison from Porcupine Tree is playing drums with them too.
The Bald Monkey: Who else is in the band this time?
Mumi: Well, Robert Fripp is still leading on guitar and Adrian Belew is still singing and playing guitar and Pat Mastoletto is playing drums and percussion.
The Bald Monkey: So, is it true that there are more nerds at a King Crimson concert than at a Rush concert?
Mumi: There are more nerds at a King Crimson concert than at a Star Wars convention held at a science fair. The music is so intense though, so be afraid. In fact, you should be very afraid when the Crimson King raises his head.
The Bald Monkey: Because it will make everyone go screaming into the hills with their fingers in their ears?
Mumi: Not quite.
The Bald Monkey: Just Bubala?
Mumi: Yep!
The Bald Monkey: So, then what did you do?
Mumi: We both had summer colds for Bubala's birthday. So, then the next week, we went to Dorney Park. And the following week, we headed south to Myrtle Beach and the brand new Hard Rock Park. It's a rock and roll dream world you know. They have a Led Zeppelin roller coaster. They have a Moody Blues 'Knights In White Satin' ride that is like taking a hit of acid and tripping out as you ride along. They have very cool shows. (And, we never go to shows at amusement parks!) And, Tra-La-La Tra-la La-La! The Banana Splits!


Tra La La!

The Bald Monkey: Did you say The freaking Banana Splits?
Mumi: Yes I did! And, they rocked us out big time!
The Bald Monkey: You are so lucky. You know I always had a crush on Bingo.
Mumi: Yeah? You want to get down to some of that Main Monkey Business with him, huh?
The Bald Monkey: Oh, you know I do.
Mumi: We closed out the summer at a Labor day weekend party hosted by our gaybors, Paul and Norm. Norm has a very unusual collection of huge signs from the old buildings around the Baltimore area. Businesses take them down and give them to Norm and he restores them and decorates his back yard with them. Lots of the Leon's crowd showed up for the party as well as more gaybors from the Glen Burnie area.
The Bald Monkey: So, now that summer is gone, now what?
Mumi: Well, it's still warm out and I'm still bike riding as much as I can. I am up to 278 rides around BWI airport. Now if each lap around the airport is 12 miles and the path leading from my house to the BWI loop is a mile how many miles have I ridden this year? Last year, I went around 315 times. Do you think I'll beat my record this year?
The Bald Monkey: Really. I'm no good with math man, but go for it. You still hitting the gym?
Mumi: Yeah. Three or four times a week.
The Bald Monkey: Any more trips planned?
Mumi: No. We have a few concerts left to see.
The Bald Monkey: Who?
Mumi: We are going to go see Laurie Anderson up in Princeton, New Jersey. She's doing her new Homeland performance, and it doesn't look like she's going to play anywhere near Baltimore this year.
The Bald Monkey: Cool. You know her and Lou Reed got hitched this year?
Mumi: Yeah. It's about time. We are also going up to Philly to see Shudder To Think at the TLA. The following week, they are playing in DC at 9:30 Club. We will be at that show as well. Anyone care to join us?
The Bald Monkey: Sure! I'll go. Can I bring Bingo from the Banana Splits?
Mumi: Well, I guess. But, there's one thing that troubles me now.
The Bald Monkey: And what is that?
Mumi: Now you know what I did last summer...

I Know What You Did Last Summer!


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