When The Monkeys Are Away, The Dogs Will Play

Uncle Robbie came over to stay with me while Bubala and Mumi went to the beach. So, we are sitting there on Friday night and I say to him “Yo, Uncle Robbie! What say you call up some of those bitches you know and have them come on over here and let's have ourselves a house party?" So, he called up the three Boobs-a-lot bitches. They are sisters. There is Bananica Boobs-a-lot. She likes tonguing the bananas. You know what I'm saying? Then, there is Buttchidda Boobs-a-lot. She likes them backdoor men. You know what I'm saying? And then there is Bombzooka Boobs-a-lot. This bitch was carrying three basketballs on each side. You know what I'm saying? The whole house jiggled when that bitch walked in. You know what I'm saying? So we turn on some music (nothing from Mumi's collection though) and start to get our freak on. I showed those bitches my scar from my recent surgery. This always makes them want to pet me and make me feel better. You know what I'm saying?

So, I'm getting stroked and petted and Uncle Robbie is doing the Boobley Oobley* with the Bombzooka bitch when all of a sudden there's a knock at the door. So, I jump up and start "ruff-ruffing." Uncle Robbie gets up to answer the door and there's this skanky ol' bitch at the door. One of Uncle Robbie's old bangs named Penelope Poonatang and she was all upset that she hadn't been invited to the party. So, we said hold up bitch, there's enough of us to go around. Now this Penelope bitch had the lips on her Hoosie* tattooed the same color as the lips on her mouth."“Bubble Gum Rosebush" is what color I think she said it was. And this bitch started doing some messed up things with my dog toys. Shooting them across the room like they were a damn torpedo or something. You know what I'm saying?

Well, we are all sitting there watching this and she gets this one certain dog toy stuck in there kind of. And she's like trying to push it out and really getting off on it and I was too. Anyway, she finally pushes it out and all this juice, what do you call it? ...vaginal secretions came out. I mean it was like the bitch's Hoosie* just exploded all over the living room. It was all over the rug and a bunch of my squeaky toys. After the party, Uncle Robbie vacuumed real good but seeing how I'm a dog, I can still smell the stuff in the carpet. I don't think the guys can smell it since when they got back Mumi burned some of his incense. So, maybe I'm in the clear.

However, for the past three days when Mumi has taken me for a walk, this older fat bitch wearing baggy ass jeans and a red flannel shirt (in August) has been walking back and forth in front of our house. Every time we come out and walk past her she says, "I'm Large Marge. Now, when does Mrs. Paul's start serving?" And then she cackles, "Ha ha ha ha ha" and walks away. So, now I'm starting to worry that maybe that bitch can smell it too. If any of you all out there has any suggestions on how to get, what do they call it again? ...vaginal secretions out of a carpet, please E-mail me privately. Don't let the guys know, okay? I don't mind the smell on my squeaky toys though. You know what I'm saying?

* Boobley Oobley

A sexual act performed by placing your face in between two large female breasts that are spread apart and then letting the breats go causing them slap your face.

* Hoosie

A slang word used to refer to a part of a woman's anatomy.