Resolutions

Yes folks, here it is. Another lame January 1st New Year's resolutions blog...


In 2007 I resolve to:

1. Start cooking at home more. We eat out way too much. 8 to 10 times a week, at least. Seriously. I'm sure that all of that restaurant food that we're choking down can't be all that good for us. And, the money that we spend at restaurants in one week would probably buy groceries for at least two weeks. So, I'm going to fire up my crock pot and maybe actually turn on the oven some time and get cookin' as they say.



2. Start working out again. I was being good there for a while. Doing my crunches, hiking, even biking a bit. I was thin and in shape. I liked the way I looked naked. Then, Autumn came around and I got very lazy. I'm not too far gone though, so it's time to start working up a sweat again. We are planning on joining the new Planet Fitness opening down the street. Only $10 a month and no contracts! Anyone know anything about this club?



3. Have more sex/masturbate more. Speaking of working up a sweat... There is certainly no such thing as too much sex. Is there? You gotta use it or or you'll lose it, right? I remember one year, long ago, when I was a teenager, I resolved to masturbate at least once a day every day for the whole year. Two weeks later, with a very sore dick, I broke that resolution. Now that I have learned all about the joys of lubes and lotions, however, I should be able to keep this resolution this time. Plus, as an added bonus, no more dry, cracked skin on my hands!



4. Be nicer. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Nicer?!? He's already the nicest guy I know. How could he even get any nicer?" You are thinking that, aren't you? Well, f@#% you then! Seriously though, I can be a real bitch sometimes. I need to work on my patience and tolerance. Just a little.



5. Develop new and strengthen existing friendships. There certainly is no such thing as too many friends. Is there? We have made many great friends over the past year or so. This year, I would really like to concentrate being more social. Getting out, seeing the world a little bit more, hanging out with good people and having a great time. Would you care to join us?



6. Put more effort into art and music. I have been recording music for over 15 years now. It's a hobby that I get tremendous positive therapeutic value from. I really want to devote more time and energy to that. I also take pictures. I'm certainly not a professional photographer, but I do enjoy digital photography and photographic manipulation. I also write poetry. I want to spend more time doing these things.



7. Sleep less. I have been sleeping way too much lately! I work weird hours sometimes, so I do have to sleep in every now and then. I do not need to stay in bed for ten, eleven or even twelve hours every night though.

Editor's Note: Immediately after publishing this blog, I went out to McDonald's for a Big Mac, super-size fries and a jumbo chocolate milkshake. Then, feeling guilty for putting all those calories in my mouth, I attempted to do some crunches. That shit is too hard though, so I gave up after after two and a half sit-ups. I was so depressed that I figured I'd lighten my mood by jerking off. I couldn't get it up though. All of this put into a really pissy mood, so I called my new friend Tony and told him that I hated his new hair cut and that it makes him look like a big old queen. I thought about writing a poem about this whole experience, but then I decided that poetry is really faggy. Damn it all to Hell! I'm going to just sleep for the rest of the day!