Bubala, Mumi & Max

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Do You Remember...

...what you were doing at the exact moment when you fell in love? This assumes, of course, that you have actually fallen in love with someone (other than yourself) at some point in your life.

In my case, the only person that I have ever really been in love with is my beautiful bald monkey, Mumi. He is the first man I ever dated. He is also the first man I ever kissed. Before I met him, I hated kissing. I thought that it was totally disgusting. Sticking your tongue into someone else's mouth and going all "nyah... nyah... mwah... mwah... mwah... slurp... slurp." It had always seemed so nauseating to me. Of course, that was back when I was only kissing girls. Mumi changed all of that for me. I love kissing him now. Feeling my furry face pressed up against his. Tasting his tongue as it darts in and out of my mouth. Biting his lips, ever so gently. It's all pretty friggin' nice, let me tell you.

So anyway, back to falling in love. I was loading some songs onto the iPod yesterday when I came across a CD called 'Sons Of Somerled' by an artist named Steve McDonald. Most of you have probably never even heard of him. It's a Celtic music CD that I picked up while working at Tower Records. Nothing special. Just a bunch of synthesizers and layered vocals and songs about love and war and loss.

Anyway, let's go back in time. Back to June, 1996. I had been dating Mumi for a few weeks. I liked him a lot, but I didn't love him yet. In fact, having just recently come out to my family, I was very confused about how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. There was a part of me that wanted to say screw all of this. I'm not going to be gay. Too much pressure. I can't deal with all of that. Part of me wanted to run away from my first relationship with another man and never look back.

Fortunately, there was a much bigger part of me that knew that I was exactly who I thought I was and that there was no way I could change that. I was gay. I liked men. Mumi was a man. And a nice looking one to boot. Even though it was difficult for me to stay in the relationship, not knowing what my future as a gay man would be like, I hung in there. And, some time, during the third or fourth week of dating, I fell in love. Hard!

I was leaving a party at my Uncle's house on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. I was heading to Mumi's parent's place to meet up with him for another date. Traffic was heavy on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. So heavy that I had to stop several times on the bridge. To pass the time, I popped in the Steve McDonald CD to check it out. Like I said before, it was nothing special. Nice songs. Nice synth work. Beautifully layered vocals. Then, a song came on that would change my life forever.

As I listened to the words, I was struck with a deep sense of longing. A longing to be out of that traffic and alone with Mumi. A longing to hold him tight up against me. To whisper in his ear and tell him that I loved him and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him right there in my arms. I had no delusions that life would be a walk in the park either. I knew all about life. I knew that there would be ups and downs. There would be challenges and rewards. But, somehow, at that moment, as I listened to the words of that song, I knew that with my Mumi in my arms, we could get through it all. That we could live a beautiful life together.

I knew that he was the one.

I Will Return - by Steve McDonald
For I, will live in your life
And all your sorrow will be gone.
And I, will sing out my songs,
Will right my wrongs the best I can
And I will be free
Long before the silence fills the air.

For we have met in this life
To dance in the light, in the time we have.
And I, will call out your name
And through my pain
You will understand
The lovers' song, though love will on
Long, long after life is gone
So, just let me sing
So I may live again.

I will return, oh I will return
You can hear the echoes say.
From out of the night and into the light
I will return one day, one day.

And I will die in your arms
And all my sorrow, will be gone.
And all the things in my life,
I held so dear, must leave me now.
But I will live on
Long, after the silence,
Ends the song.

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