"Optipessimistic"

I don't generally view the glass as half full or half empty. In fact, most of the time, I am just pissed that someone drank half of whatever was in my glass in the first place. I guess that I am a moderate when it comes to the whole optimism versus pessimism debate.

On the one hand, I am smart enough to know that, in general, this world really sucks. Living here can be very trying at times. Hell, it can be downright depressing sometimes. It can be sad enough to make me just want to curl up under the covers into the fetal position and cry for the whole day. Oh, and by the way, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, crying that is.

On the other hand, I am also smart enough to know that, at the same time, there is at least a little bit of beauty in just about everything that I see. Even in the ugliest places, there is still probably at least a little bit of something beautiful hiding out in there somewhere. Maybe a flower grows in the middle of a pile of putrid, rotting garbage tossed carelessly onto the side of the road. Maybe there is a stunning sunset in the background somewhere out past those cancer-causing, pollution-puffing smokestacks over there on the horizon. Why, there is even a pretty rainbow swirling around in the oily slicked rain puddle out there on the street. Beauty is everywhere, if you know where to look for it.



You might be wondering by now just where this particular rant is leading to. Well, here is the answer. I finally saw Brokeback Mountain the other night, and it wasn't quite what I had expected it to be. You see, I had read in reviews and on other blogs that this movie was so, so sad and that if I didn't cry at the end, then I must obviously be some sort of homophobic, bigoted, unfeeling, scary gay monster. Well, I didn't cry at the end of the movie.

The reason that I did not cry at the end of this movie is not becuase the movie is bad or not because the performances are subpar or anything like that. And, it is not becasue the story is lame either. It isn't. It is a great and powerful movie with a beautifully told story of love and regret filled with praiseworthy performaces by everyone involved. The reason that I did not cry at the end of the movie is not because I an emotionless, self loathing monster man either. In fact, I do cry sometimes. Every now and then, I even cry at the end of a movie.

I guess the reason that I did not cry at the end of Brokeback Mountain is becuase seeing the movie was actually an uplifting experience for me. It reminded me of how lucky I am in my life and in my relationship. I have never had to hide who I am from anyone. There have been virtually no negative repercussions from my coming out. I can walk proudly alongside my man everywhere that we go together, and I don't have to suffer the same slings and arrows that so many others before us (and some still do) suffer. I have been so fortunate, and I am so thankful for that.

Of course, I know that not everyone in the world has been as lucky as I have. There are a lot of people out there still, even in this day and age, who suffer torment, rejection and ridicule just for being who they are. Obviously, this is not news to anyone in our community. We all know someone, possibly even ourselves, that has been made fun of, knocked down, made small or even worse, and that hurts. In fact, sometimes, it can hurt so much that we can very easily forget that there is still some beauty left in this world.

I can only hope that no matter whatever happens to me, or to you, or to anyone else that is near and dear to any of us, or whatever happens to anyone out there who is just like us, that all of us will never forget that life is short. Life is way too short. We can very easily choose to spend that little bit of time that we have together cursing all of the ugliness around us. Or, we can open our eyes just a little bit wider, just enough to see past the ugly. That way, hopefully, we won't forget to notice the beauty that waits there for all of us. Beauty waiting patiently to be discovered by tired and weary eyes. Beauty waiting to remind us that we are not ugly. Beauty there to reassure us that we are not alone as long as we have something precious to behold.