Monkey On A Mission

I have been incredibly bummed out this week. The new anti-depressants turned against me and made me even more down and agitated. I think that a lot of this was brought on by our trip to Annapolis on Monday and the apparent hopelessness and helplessness that gay people are facing while trying to get equal rights in a state/country that has obviously always been run by white, Christian, straight people. If you don’t fit into that category, just hang it up man. Maybe your great, great, great, great, great grand kids will see a small change in their lifetimes. It has me feeling so isolated, living in this country, a feeling that was aggravated even further when I passed a young woman driving her car with a huge JESUS sticker on it. I automatically screamed "Jesus sucks the juice out of my ass!" This really does not do much to help make me feel better. I am surrounded by Americans that continue to feed their children lies about the teachings of the false prophet Jesus and his micro managing father.

However, a ray of hope came today in the newspaper when I saw this snippet:

Curious George

Curious George books have been favorites of youngsters for many years. And with the recent film, the inquisitive monkey is seeing a renewed interest. Enjoy a Curious George event at the Provinces branch of Anne Arundel county public library. Children ages 3-8 can listen to stories, participate in activities and make crafts related to George and his friend the man with the yellow hat. A Curious George parade will follow.



Oh boy, oh boy! This is my big chance to convert America’s children to the only true teachings of the only real prophet of enlightenment, Curious George. I will show up in my promo movie T-shirt and ball cap and dress Bubala up like the man in the yellow hat. Right away, the kids will know we are so much cooler than their parents or the librarians. And, as we start reading the classics, like Curious George Rides A Bike and a few of the newer stories like the surreal, Curious George’s Dream, then I will slip in one of my personal favorites, Curious George Flings Poo At Jesus.



In that story, the man will the yellow hat has to go out but he leaves Jesus at home to watch over George. "Now George, don’t get into trouble, or Jesus will send you to Hell."

The man leaves and George finds a plastic bag on the floor. The man with the yellow hat must have dropped his stash! George had already seen what you do with it. You put it in that huge red bong in the bedroom, light it on fire, and inhale. George was curious. He wondered what would happen if he tried it. Just then, Jesus said "George, you must not try that. It is a sin in the eyes of the Father."

George looked around, and he did not see any father, so he filled a big old bowl up with bud and fired it up. George felt funny as he floated around the room. Then, he remembered that he had a dick. George was curious. He touched his dick, and it felt good. He rubbed it and made it hard. Then, Jesus said "George, you must not touch that. It is a sin in the eyes of the Father" George looked around, and he did not see any father, so he walked over to Jesus and popped a nut off.



Relaxed and high, George went to the kitchen where we started eating all of the Oreo cookies and Doritos. Then, he ate the Butterfinger candy bars and the Goldfish crackers. (Sweet and salt, etc.) He then heard Jesus exclaim, "George you must stop, you are sinning in the eyes of the Father!" George looked over at Jesus and let out a long, extended, juicy belch and exclaimed, (and as you know, George never talks) "You know what? Fuck you Jesus! You are really bumming me out here, man. I am trying to be Curious George and do what I do best, be inquisitive and get into mischief. And, you keep putting up all these restrictions on me. So, fuck you, you fascist dictator."

And, with that, he took a large smelly dump in his hand and threw it at Jesus.

"George, you are sinning in the eyes of the Father," Jesus said.

"Good! Fuck you up the ass with a chainsaw, Jesus," George said as he took another long turd in his hand and flung it at Jesus hitting him in the mouth.

Just then, the man with the yellow hat came home. "Oh George, you are playing fling the poo at Jesus, and you hit him in the mouth. What a silly little monkey you are!"

THE END

Then, the kids and I could make pictures of George flinging poo at Jesus, and we could all take turns pretending that we are George and flinging our own poo at pictures and at statues of Jesus. Anyone who hit him in the mouth would get a $100 shopping spree at Toys R Us. Then, we would conclude by having a huge Curious George parade where we would march into every church in America and share the story of the good little monkey, Curious George and the evil Jesus who tried to stop him and got poo flung in his mouth for being such a fucking asshole and spreading his evil throughout America and the world.