Bubala, Mumi & Max

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

I do...

I am like, so going to Hell!The last thing I want to do is make this blog a political statement. That being said, I do want to just weigh in on the whole same-sex marriage ban controversy that has come up again recently here in Maryland.

Why are these people who are against same-sex marriage doing this? What are they really afraid of?

Religion keeps on being mentioned as the motivating force in their quest to strip away our rights and privileges. If the only reason that I should not be allowed to be married to my boyfriend is because the Bible (supposedly) says that homosexuality is a sin, then why can thieves, adulterers, murderers, rapists, philanderers and Republicans still get married?

Hell, if the Bible is the ultimate authority on who should and should not be allowed to be married, then we better start fighting for the marriage ban against all of those Marylanders who eat delicious Maryland steamed crabs. According to God, that is an abomination also. (Leviticus 11.10)

Here is an excerpt from a funny letter I found on the 'net. The letter is addressed to George W. Bush, but it's appropriate here as well.

President Bush, I need some advice regarding God's Laws and how best to follow them...

  1. Leviticus 25.44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans but not to Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

  2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21.7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

  3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness (Leviticus 15.19-24). The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

  4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord. (Leviticus 1.9) The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

  5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35.2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

  6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Leviticus11.10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there degrees of abomination?

  7. Leviticus 21.20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

  8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Leviticus 19.27. How should they die?

  9. I know from Leviticus 11.6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean. May I still play football if I wear gloves?

  10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Leviticus 19.19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Leviticus 24.10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, as we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Leviticus 20.14)


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