Bubala, Mumi & Max

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

She Don't Lie, She Don't Lie, She Don't Lie...

Cocaine

Cocaine
I ran into a couple of old friends yesterday evening while shopping for anniversary presents for Max at PetSmart. (We adopted Max 5 years ago yesterday!) I hadn't seen these guys for at least 7 or 8 years.

A little backstory on these guys. We'll call them Bill & Ted for the sake of this here story. Those are not their real names though. Anyway, Bill & Ted are cousins. Bill & Ted are also crack cocaine addicts, at least they were way back when. And, after seeing them again last night, I'd have to guess that they still are. They looked really bad. They look much older than they are. Missing teeth, skin rashes, a general disheveled look. It's a shame really, because both of these boys used to be so cute.

I first met both of them in the early 1990's. I was in my early 20's and they were in their mid-teens. Already, they were alcoholics and experimenting with just about every kind of drug imaginable. In fact, I first met Bill at rehab. I had taken Ted there to visit him. Bill was only 15 at the time. 15 years old and already in rehab. Wow.

In the beginning of our friendship, I tried to be a source of stability in Bill & Ted's otherwise chaotic world. I guess I foolishly thought that I could save them. I wanted them to know that if they ever grew tired of the glitzy, glamorous world of sucking on cans of butane or huffing gas fumes, that they could come and hang out with me in my "drug free zone." That's how it started out, at least.

After a while though, I really got close to Bill & Ted. I might have even developed a crush on one or both of them. Maybe even an infatuation. (After they were of legal age, of course.) Crush or not though, for whatever reason, I became best friends with both of them. I hung out with them at their crazy, teenage drug parties. I drove them home when they were too drunk to drive. I picked them up out of the gutter at 2am when they were way too drunk and didn't even know who or where they were. I would get phone calls late at night from both of them. Sometimes, in order to find them, I would have to get them to describe what they were seeing around them. A gas station, a convenience store, whatever. I would have to hope that they could give me some identifying landmark, something around them, so I would know where to go looking for them. Oh, those were fun times indeed.

So, it should come as no surprise that, when they started to grow tired of me and my straight (sober, in this sense) ways, I decided to join them in their debauchery. Just alcohol, at first. I was over 21. They weren't. So, I would buy the Mad Dog 20/20. We'd go hang out at the train tracks or at the old, abandoned boy's school and we'd get shit-faced drunk. Every night. This went on for a few years. During that time, I gradually started trying various other illegal substances. Weed, hallucinogenics like LSD, weed dipped in hallucinogenics. I sucked on the butane cans. I huffed gasoline. I did all sorts of totally fucking stupid things. (I never did the crack cocaine though. I guess I do have some standards.) And, for what? Even to this day, I cannot tell you why I did those things. I have no idea, really. I was trying so hard to be accepted by a group of misfit, alcoholic, drug-addicted teenagers. Why?

Seeing Bill & Ted again last night brought back a lot of memories I guess that, up until last night, I had been trying really hard to forget about. I was a different person back then. A person that I am not proud at all to say that I ever was. I did some really stupid things, and I have no idea why.

I am so thankful that I met Mumi. He is the reason that I stopped hanging around Bill & Ted. In that sense, I really do believe that Mumi saved me. He gave me something else to do. He gave me somewhere else to focus my energies. He gave me someone else to crush on and infatuate over. He gave me stability and direction. He gave me a reason to care about myself. He gave me everything that I needed. That is why I am so totally devoted to him. I love him so much.

You're my lighthouse.Mumi once said to me in a song that I was his "lighthouse in the ocean." I like to believe, however, that we are both beacons for each other. We both shine very brightly. We keep each other on course and away from those jagged rocks that might otherwise do harm to our vessels. And, even if there is a horrible storm raging in the harbor where my lighthouse stands, and even if the waves seem overwhelming and the rain just won't stop, I hope that he can still see my lamp there, shining through the darkness. I know that I can still see his, and it makes me feel like I am finally safely at home.

1 Comments:

Anonymous jimbo said...

I only had the pleasure of being someone's lighthouse, and he crashed on the rocks when I left. Being a lighthouse by myself was hard work.

Where's my lighthouse?

11:07 AM  

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