Bubala, Mumi & Max

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

A Peaceful Act Of Gay Terrorism Against Straight Weddings

Equal JusticeWell, here we go again. Last night, we made our pilgrimage down to Annapolis to try to get the lawmakers to give us our equal rights and allow us to marry each other. After almost 11 years together, I feel like I'm already married, even if it's not all official on paper. However, there are many legal rights having to do with property, health, well being, death and all that other good stuff that are all a part of that marriage package that Bubala and I are not entitled to, but our straight siblings are. It just doesn't sit well with me. And, sometimes, the way that straight people misuse the rights that I don't have doesn't sit too well with me either.

This is a true story...

One of Bubala's brothers got a divorce after 13 years of marriage. His ex and him have a daughter as old as my relationship with Bubala. After the divorce was final, he quickly found a new love interest and after about a year of dating, they announced that they were getting married. She was also previously married and divorced. So, the wedding plans were made and Bubala was asked to be in the wedding party. I told him that he would be going stag because his date of 8 years, who wasn't legally allowed to be his husband, had some issues with the straight people of the world having unlimited chances at something that we were not even offered one chance at. This caused some friction in the family, but I really didn't think that it was fair. What are we, after all? Chopped liver? Meanwhile, Bubala's other brother was watching his second marriage with a child involved fall apart and come to an end, all while Bubala and I kept on moving along, as happy as could be. (Well, besides feeling pretty fucking pissed off about how fucking unfair it all seemed.)

Anyway, the wedding was coming up and an unexpected announcement was made that Rush would be playing concerts on two nights at Radio City Music Hall in New York City. So, in exchange for me keeping the peace in the family and not performing a violent, terrorist act during the "does anyone have any objections?" part of the wedding, I got to spend two wonderful days and nights in the Big Apple while it was being besieged by Rush fans. I got to watch my favorite band play two sold out shows at one of the most prestigious performing halls in the world, Radio City Music Hall. All the while though, I knew that when we got back, we had to put on monkey suits and be a part of this thing that I was in so much in protest of. Revisions were made to the wedding vows to compensate for my feelings because the bride didn't realize at first that two dudes couldn't get hitched. The parts about man and woman were replaced with partner, and some of the other nouns and pronouns were altered.

So, the big day came and the vows were exchanged as planned, but afterwards and unbeknownst to the bride and groom, the priest decided to put his own footnotes in about how marriage will always be defined as the union of man and woman. Jason's mother held my hand as we sat there and I thought about the bowl of weed in my car and how that when we get done with this ceremony, I was going to light up and stay so high so that I wouldn't get angry. When we got to the reception, I enhanced this by drinking free cocktails. I proceeded to tell everyone how much fun NYC was and that Rush was the greatest band ever in the whole universe. I also mentioned how stupid the bingo themed wedding cake looked. (The happy couple had met each other while playing bingo.) "Who ever heard of fuckin' B-75?"

Wedding PicOh goody. It was soon time for the bride and groom's first dance, the DJ announced as "Unchained Melody" (that song from Ghost where Demi Moore is making pottery) started playing. The newly married couple started start dancing. The DJ invited the wedding party and their guests to join the bride and groom on the dance floor. So, Bubala asked me to dance and we got out there. But, it wasn't just a weave back and forth at a distance sort of dancing. He cradled my head in his arms as we rocked gently back and forth, pressed up against each other oh so tight. While we danced, Bubala gently kissed the top of my head. The whole fucking place, guests, family members, reception staff, minister, DJ, all turned from watching the bride and groom to watching Bubala and I. Damn us fags! Stealing the spotlight like that. The gay bartender thought it was cool though and gave me even more free cocktails. The minister was so appalled that he quickly excused himself and left the reception even before the cake was cut. Jason's family was used to it though. Like I said, I'd been in this family for 8 years at that point. I don't think that the bride's family or her co-workers were expecting it though. We continued dancing and I got drunker and talked more about Rush.

I don't think that the bride had any idea that her that wedding reception was going to be the site of a peaceful act of gay terrorism against straight weddings. Aren't we little stinkers? Hee Hee Haw Haw Ho Ho.

I still want my fuckin' equal rights though and the longer I'm denied them the more pissed off I'm going to get.


Anonymous durban bud said...

Well put, Mumi!

You should put your anger into writing a song about it.

7:13 PM  
Blogger TOS said...

First let me say that I completely agree that this whole issue is bigoted, unfair & hypocritical...

Personally I think all marriages should be eliminated - gay, straight or otherwise. In many European countries "marriage" is simply a term equated with religious signifigance. The union between two parties is a civil affair only. It is very businesslike and the personal & religious values are left to the churches etc. etc.

This is the way I think it should be. This way there would be no comparison between gays & straights, bisexuals or otherwise.

That being said, and I truly mean no disrespect (I really do) since you have been so sincere & genuine on here, I do think that your recent posting about sexual traits of gay men & relationships is in direct conflict with this very well-put post.

Your last post said "You can try to model your relationship after a straight marriage, but I don't really think that we are biologically supposed to cohabitate since our brains and dicks are just naturally always after some new conquest."

This contradicts your desire for the same rights of marriage enjoyed by heterosexuals. If you want the same thing, you need to accept the same thing. Marriage as defined (wrongly so) under most U.S. state laws (save my home state!) states that marriage is between 1 man and 1 woman.

As reprehensible as that is, it is still 1 man and 1 woman, it can't be 1 man and 1 woman 99.5% of the time... .4 being group "play," .1 being j/o only etc. I'm exaggerating but my point is speaking to the philoseophy of marriage itself (hotly debated of course!) you can argue the fine points of that if you want, but ultimately 1 man 1 woman, divorce lawyers earn the bulk of their living off of this because outside of the standard of 1 & 1, adultery, breaking the union etc. applied. The rule is what it is, whether right or wrong.

As such, I believe that those of us who want legal recognition as couples, need to demand civil unions for all - regardless of gender or sexual instinct. It weakens the argument for equality when gay men demand marriage equality but don't want to accept all the terms.

Again please don't take this personally. As far as I am concerned, people should be able to do what they want. Civil unions for all do this. Comparing ourselves to heterosexual couples won't apply there. This is a major issue and one I feel passionately about, much like yourself(ves). Please see this an counterpoint for thought only.

Peace. Stay warm and I hope you have no work tomorrow! Snow day please!

8:38 PM  
Blogger Bubala said...

Tos, I see valid points in your comment, but what I really think that Mumi wants is the rights and protections that are granted by a legal marriage. He says it quite plainly here:

"I still want my fuckin' equal rights though and the longer I'm denied them the more pissed off I'm going to get."

We simply are not eligible for those same protections that straight people can have if they choose to marry. It does not matter if the straight, married folks stay faithful to their significant others or not. Swinging heteros, unfaithful heteros, remarried heteros, they still have those rights and protections. We don't and we can't.

At the rally, we talked with several elected representatives who suggested that we fight for civil unions or whatever term we wanted to use so long as we did not call it marriage. But, the comment was made by some that calling it anything other than marriage would put an air of inequality to the whole idea. It was compared to the whole "seperate but equal" scheme tried back during the African American Civil Rights Movement.

I'm torn myself. I don't know what the answer is. I don't know what we really should be fighting for. A big part of me sees traditional straight marriage as a failed institution. It is no longer sacred or holy as it may once have been. As a result, I want no part of that failure myself.

But once again, as Mumi stated, "I still want my fuckin' equal rights though and the longer I'm denied them the more pissed off I'm going to get."

I am treated equally in every other way in this country. I am obligated to pay the same taxes. I am required to abide by the same laws. I am expected to be a good citizen and I like to think that I am. But, the same government that requires that I contribute my fair share to society also wants to be sure that I will never be treated equally only because I happened to fall in love with a man. A beautiful man.

9:46 PM  
Blogger TOS said...

I agree - eliminate "marriage" as we know it and make it a purely a civil affair, as in Europe.

But you have to understand that equal rights as it is defined right now means that going outside of the union (rules, agreements, beliefs about the traits of men etc or whatever reason) is defined by the law as "adultery" (in the majority of states) which means the marriage is not kosher if brought into question... Swinging couples can do what they want with the legal protections of marriage until somebody gets jealous, hurt, crazy etc. Then the lawyers have their rights to attack! And they should - if the contract says 1 & 1 and someone does something otherwise, then they are in breach of contract - which marriage is supposed to represent.

My point, kill marriage and you don't have those entanglements. Civil unions for gay & straights will only solve the problem.

I want my equal rights REGARDLESS of my status or single or not. Remember I work in a state where discrimination against GLBT people is 100% LEGAL... I don't think I deserve to work, pay taxes, and not get the same rights as everyone else in return - period.

But my problem lies with the argument about gay male sexuality (impossible to be monogamous) and yet the same desire for the same thing the heteros have. A gay man can have extra-"relationship" whatevers and nothing happens b/c the law doesn't give a rat's ass. A hetero couple does that and someone is in deep 'doo.

If true equal marriage rights are what you want as of today's standards then the argument for occasional "whatevers" outside of a union of two people is not compatible... You can rationalize a gay man's deep-seated desire (not my belief) to succomb to weaknesses or whatever, but does that help the cause for equality? No it doesn't. That is my opinion, you are free to dislike me for it.

The argument to the breeders needs to be universally clear - we want rights and we want them for the right reasons. We are NOT different from them. Mumi said as much. That was a big gleaming point in the argument. If we as gay men want to say we are different in one breath and want to be equal in the other, then well, the movement isn't going to go anywhere.

Get rid of today's "marriage" for all people - and you jettison the baggage. Everyone does what they want and we're all happy! It's the American way - just achieved through nice, secular, European socialist values...

10:41 PM  

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