To Play Or Not To Play... That Is The Question
(A book-long blog to yawn over...)
Tos recently posted this comment on our blog:
The Facts:
Let's face it, we are a horny bunch of monkeys and our sexuality is most often stimulated by that which is new and exciting. That is why we are so curious most of the time. While most gay men are in agreement that our attraction to other men is a natural thing, we don't really hold a great track record for long lasting relationships with each other. Men, gay or straight, are naturally programmed to blow their loads and move on. The cohabitation thing, in my opinion, really stems from the females of the species' maternal instinct of starting a family, having kids and providing for them. Throughout history, however, gay relationships didn‘t get much of a chance to develop because they had to be hidden, so there is no basis in our minds of what a man on man gay relationship is really supposed to be. So, a lot of our thinking about what a relationship or marriage is comes from tragically straight Mom and Dad. What works for a man and a woman though does not necessarily work for a man and a man. Why, you may ask? (Start at the top of this paragraph and read in a loop until you get it.)
How Can It Really Work Then? Don't Rock The Boat.
You have to set some rules. Sometimes, even that can't harness this often uncontrollable urge. You can try to model your relationship after a straight marriage, but I don't really think that we are biologically supposed to cohabitate since our brains and dicks are just naturally always after some new conquest. Because we humans can think though, we sometimes try to conquer nature. Just like Bubala can mow my lawn, he can also try to adapt to living with me. The grass will always grow back, and there will always be fuckin' hot men that will turn my head. Same thing with Bubala. There will always be hot men that will turn his head too. I prefer to vacuum though.
So, the usual scenario is man meets man, they fall in love and decide to live together and share a life together. Things are wonderful in man-love-land until some time down the road, (the length of time varies from couple to couple) one or both of them start to look outside of their relationship. They see everyone else fucking around and having fun and they are stuck with each other. The sex isn't as hot as it used to be. They aren't as young as they used to be, and they aren't getting younger. They need some reassurance that they can still get some fresh meat after being off the market for so long. So, a decision has to be made. Do they split up even though they still love each other a lot? Or, do they start getting it on with other dudes? And, if they open their sexual realtionship up to other men, are they going to be able to deal with the various problems that can arrise from that?
What Problems You Ask?
Jealousy:
What if one of you really falls in love with him?
What if he really falls for one of you?
What if he sucks cock better than either one of you?
What if he is hot, young, hairy and muscular and you are not, old, hairy and flabby?
The Health Issues:
Do you know where he's been?
Do you know where his dick has been?
Do you know what he's got?
Do you want to bring that into your relationship?
Or the even bigger question: Will he be the psycho trick that just won't go away? Also, you have to beware of the unhappy single guy who sees what you have and is so envious that he tries to make waves in your relationship. Gay guys love high drama. Proceed with caution.
Can you and you boyfriend deal with all of this?
Mumi's Most Awesome Advice:
Resist the temptation you filthy, little monkeys! And, if at last you finally do succumb to the idea that fooling around is inevitable, then you might just realize that maybe it is only natural for gay men in long-term relationships to do this in order for their relationships to survive. And, for those of you single guys out there, please don't judge us because we are the ones who are putting the effort and time of our lives into these relationships rather than still searching for Mr. Right or running away from Mr. Potential or just fucking Mr. Right Now.
As for myself, which is only one half of my relationship. I'm more attracted to aspects of people's personalities rather than the super hot guy who often times turns out to have no personality and is a bit of an asshole. We try to get to know where someone is coming from before doing anything nasty. Maybe go out to dinner or just hang out. I also look for guys who will respect that there is a relationship going on here. Someone who knows that he's not just tricking with some single guys. I really take my relationship with Bubala very seriously, and it is much more important to me than sex. So, my need for a little extra icing on the cake isn't all that great.
With a hottie like Bubala, with his 8.5 rating on the rate a rod scale, you won't hear me complaining! Well, only because 8.5 is not just a rating, it's also a measurement. (Gag!) Besides, finding guys to get it on with is so much work and effort even when you're flying solo. But, it's twice as hard when you're in a relationship. And, despite what anyone may think, we have a lousy track record at picking up guys because, for some reason, everyone is very intimidated by us. (I'm also a mean bastard.) They look a lot, but they look away even more.
Tos, you will be happy to know that whether I take my shirt off or not, I always leave with my Bubala, and that is just fine with me too.
Tos recently posted this comment on our blog:
"You know you don't need to cruise to be able to take your shirt off in public... In fact I think that is the best thing - taking shirt off and leaving with one's Boo/hubby/SO etc. without feeling the need to pick someone/thing up...Tos' comment got me to thinking. Is there a kind of peer pressure for gay couples to engage this kind of thing? Or, is thrupling the natural thing? Rest assured, Tos, I won't flame you, because I don't really think that thrupling is the natural thing. At least in my life it isn't. Everyone is different though and everyone needs to do what is best for them. I can be, have been in the past and probably will be in the future interested in other men even though I am in a long-term, committed relationship. A relationship in which, from time to time, we have gotten it on with other guys. But, I don't think that I will ever feel the need or desire to add a third man permanently or even semi-permanently to our relationship.
I'm sure I'll be flamed for this comment but many in the blogosphere who think thrupling is just natural and how things should be in the gay comm. but eh, I'm from New England and a prickly bastard with a big mouth... ;-)"
The Facts:
Let's face it, we are a horny bunch of monkeys and our sexuality is most often stimulated by that which is new and exciting. That is why we are so curious most of the time. While most gay men are in agreement that our attraction to other men is a natural thing, we don't really hold a great track record for long lasting relationships with each other. Men, gay or straight, are naturally programmed to blow their loads and move on. The cohabitation thing, in my opinion, really stems from the females of the species' maternal instinct of starting a family, having kids and providing for them. Throughout history, however, gay relationships didn‘t get much of a chance to develop because they had to be hidden, so there is no basis in our minds of what a man on man gay relationship is really supposed to be. So, a lot of our thinking about what a relationship or marriage is comes from tragically straight Mom and Dad. What works for a man and a woman though does not necessarily work for a man and a man. Why, you may ask? (Start at the top of this paragraph and read in a loop until you get it.)
How Can It Really Work Then? Don't Rock The Boat.
You have to set some rules. Sometimes, even that can't harness this often uncontrollable urge. You can try to model your relationship after a straight marriage, but I don't really think that we are biologically supposed to cohabitate since our brains and dicks are just naturally always after some new conquest. Because we humans can think though, we sometimes try to conquer nature. Just like Bubala can mow my lawn, he can also try to adapt to living with me. The grass will always grow back, and there will always be fuckin' hot men that will turn my head. Same thing with Bubala. There will always be hot men that will turn his head too. I prefer to vacuum though.
So, the usual scenario is man meets man, they fall in love and decide to live together and share a life together. Things are wonderful in man-love-land until some time down the road, (the length of time varies from couple to couple) one or both of them start to look outside of their relationship. They see everyone else fucking around and having fun and they are stuck with each other. The sex isn't as hot as it used to be. They aren't as young as they used to be, and they aren't getting younger. They need some reassurance that they can still get some fresh meat after being off the market for so long. So, a decision has to be made. Do they split up even though they still love each other a lot? Or, do they start getting it on with other dudes? And, if they open their sexual realtionship up to other men, are they going to be able to deal with the various problems that can arrise from that?
What Problems You Ask?
Jealousy:
What if one of you really falls in love with him?
What if he really falls for one of you?
What if he sucks cock better than either one of you?
What if he is hot, young, hairy and muscular and you are not, old, hairy and flabby?
The Health Issues:
Do you know where he's been?
Do you know where his dick has been?
Do you know what he's got?
Do you want to bring that into your relationship?
Or the even bigger question: Will he be the psycho trick that just won't go away? Also, you have to beware of the unhappy single guy who sees what you have and is so envious that he tries to make waves in your relationship. Gay guys love high drama. Proceed with caution.
Can you and you boyfriend deal with all of this?
Mumi's Most Awesome Advice:
Resist the temptation you filthy, little monkeys! And, if at last you finally do succumb to the idea that fooling around is inevitable, then you might just realize that maybe it is only natural for gay men in long-term relationships to do this in order for their relationships to survive. And, for those of you single guys out there, please don't judge us because we are the ones who are putting the effort and time of our lives into these relationships rather than still searching for Mr. Right or running away from Mr. Potential or just fucking Mr. Right Now.
As for myself, which is only one half of my relationship. I'm more attracted to aspects of people's personalities rather than the super hot guy who often times turns out to have no personality and is a bit of an asshole. We try to get to know where someone is coming from before doing anything nasty. Maybe go out to dinner or just hang out. I also look for guys who will respect that there is a relationship going on here. Someone who knows that he's not just tricking with some single guys. I really take my relationship with Bubala very seriously, and it is much more important to me than sex. So, my need for a little extra icing on the cake isn't all that great.
With a hottie like Bubala, with his 8.5 rating on the rate a rod scale, you won't hear me complaining! Well, only because 8.5 is not just a rating, it's also a measurement. (Gag!) Besides, finding guys to get it on with is so much work and effort even when you're flying solo. But, it's twice as hard when you're in a relationship. And, despite what anyone may think, we have a lousy track record at picking up guys because, for some reason, everyone is very intimidated by us. (I'm also a mean bastard.) They look a lot, but they look away even more.
Tos, you will be happy to know that whether I take my shirt off or not, I always leave with my Bubala, and that is just fine with me too.
posted by The Bald Monkey at 2:22 PM
1 Comments:
Thank you for not flaming me. :-)
I'm a shirt-taker-offer by nature, first & foremost b/c I am always hot (even in these frigid temps I've been wearing shortsleeves to work daily much to the shock of my students in down coats and begging for me to blast the heat - if I could wear shorts to work I would LOL) but secondly I love being shirtless in a bar b/c I can be. I will always love the feeling of thumbing my nose at straight society by baring my sadly bare chest in a public bar. Even when I wasn't at my fittest I let it all hangout, just b/c after 25 or so years I was/am proud of who I am, just gay gay gay me. Trust me, I'm the 1st person to NOT want to play by their rules...
I respect your introspection and sharing of your personal views & experiences! I however, am a jealous, hot-tempered Italian and a hopeless romantic... so to each his own I suppose! ;-)
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