S.A.D. And So Early

Well, the last few days have really gotten to me. Not only am I nursing a mean virus that I chased from my throat to my nose to my chest, back to my throat and now it seems to have moved to my eyes, but the weather has taken a big shift from brutally hot and muggy to rainy, overcast and almost cold. Add this to the shorter and shorter days that we are having, (I can tell because I bike in the evenings when it's cooler, and it's getting darker sooner) and I can tell it's going to be a bad one.

I decided that I hate all the other seasons except summer, which means my SAD is on full tilt for about nine months out of the year. Given my normal temperament and disposition, which ranges somewhere between an anti-social, "I hate everyone and want to punch them in their faces until their skulls cave in" and what I like to call a "super-sized, suicidal sundae," (It's so tempting, but just think of the calories!) I can only predict that this season's SAD with it's "world at war during an election year" and "fucking teenaged inbreeders popping their retarded children out all around us" might just be the worst ever. In fact, I really don't know how I will make it through another one. I'm not really sure if I even want to.

I've been thinking a lot about a blog entry written by DB about being miserable. It was sparked by an article about men in their late 30's and early 40's and how they are the most miserable people of all. I can understand straight men with families feeling that way. You are pretty much the cash cow for your wife and kids and when they say jump, you'd better. And, if my sexuality is not a choice then I guess his isn't either, so it just sucks to be him. I would be miserable too. I can understand a single gay/straight man between 35 and their early 40's being miserable too. At that age, if you want to be in a relationship, it gets harder and harder to find someone. People become more defensive after past failed attempts at relationships, so they tend to not want to get too close to anyone again.

What I can't understand is why a gay man in my position would be so miserable. (How dare me!) I've got it all in the palm of hands. I'm a nice looking guy with a very handsome husband whom I love dearly. We've been in a very successful relationship for over 11 years. (Just smack me!) I've got a cute little dog who is a constant reminder of how fun life can be. I live in a nice single family home in a relatively safe neighborhood. (Gag me with a pitch fork, then find a use for the other end!) Hell, I've even got a chain link fence. (Because it's more butch than a white picket fence.) Now, how can I possibly be miserable? We make enough money and our jobs allow us some time off, so we are comfortable and can even enjoy life a little. (Alright, now you're getting into dismemberment territory.) And, if the feeling does arise, we are secure enough in our relationship that if a "brief extracurricular encounter" happens' it will not rock the boat or tip the boat over. (That's it dude! That's the last straw! If you can't be happy in that sort of situation, I'm going to chop you up into little bits and feed you to the dogs next door. After all, if you can't be happy, how is everyone else supposed to be? Someone has to set an example for the rest of us to observe and say, "Oh! So that's what happiness looks like. We'll just copy them.")

Only I don't see any inspiring examples, because even Durban Bud says he's miserable too.

In the whole wide world there's no magical place
So you might as well rise, and put on your bravest face..