Bubala, Mumi & Max

Monday, December 10, 2007

God Thinks Led Zeppelin Is A Faggot

Led ZeppelinFor a great portion of the world, however, we all think that Led Zeppelin is greater then God himself. So, that's probably why he feels that way. For almost 40 years now, that spiritual entity that is LZ has soothed the savage teenager and fueled their sexual energy with screams of ecstasy and pounding passion and uplifting, majestic chords stolen from God's golden box. (Yeah. John Paul Jones was always my favorite too.)

You can still go into any suburban mall in the 2000's and see people both young and old in LZ t-shirts just like the way it was in the 70's and 80's and 90's. Nothing's changed. Led Zeppelin is a constant, just like Jesus, only more bombastic and sexual. Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah love love love love. That is why God thinks that Led Zeppelin is a faggot. After all, he made Robert Plant wear those girly shirts with his hairy chest exposed and those tight jeans wear you can see his dick and balls. He also made Jimmy Page use double neck guitars because two dicks are better than one.

It is a little known fact that God himself was involved with LZ in the earlier part of their recording career. It was the early 70's and God was still mourning the loss of his fallen spiritual children, Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin and Jim Morrison. Realizing that LZ had the same spiritual potential, God took it upon himself to guide the band. God realized that even though the band members themselves were heterosexual, the actual spiritual energy of the band was obliviously that of a flaming faggot. Now, if you listen to the words of someone like Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church, you might believe that God hates faggots. Actually, God has an uncanny sense of humor and that's why he made Fred Phelps and the gays in the first place. To liven up an otherwise dreary human species.

Zoso

And so, back in 1971, when God was working on the artwork for the forth LZ album cover, you know, the entitled "One" (or Led Zeppelin IV or Zoso or Ruins or Stairway To Heaven... You can take your pick!) He decided to throw in a very gay twist. Just because God is witty and funny and very self amusing. He decided, "Okay. Here I have a picture of an old man, all hunched over with a cane. What if I put a fagot (which everyone knows is a bundle of sticks bound toghether) on his back? That way, this old guy can be taking it up the bum by a faggot, and no one will even notice."

I don't think that God had any idea how huge that LZ album would become. He never imagined that image would be printed on t-shirts and buttons and posters millions of times over. Also, I'm not so sure who that old guy on the cover was, but I have my suspicions.

A few years later, God really had a falling out with LZ when he realized that they, like the Beatles, had gotten bigger than Jesus. In fact, he got so miffed that he took John Bonham away from us which pretty much ended the band. And, except for a few appearances here and there, the band has remained the same. Locked away from soaring in the air. Until tonight, when the Mothership will soar once again and fill the air with the beautiful, sexual hymns that will be sung for generations to come.

It's been a long time since I rock and rolled,
It's been a long time since I did the stroll.
Ooh, let me get it back, let me get it back,
Let me get it back, baby, where I come from.
It's been a long time, been a long time,
Been a long lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely, lonely time.

Yes, it has.

4 Comments:

Blogger Mike said...

Wow. I feel like it's 1975 all over again!

12:55 PM  
Blogger Dumbek said...

I can't believe you got through that whole post without making a "Moby Dick" joke.

6:09 AM  
Anonymous Shawn1 said...

The Shawns return from London:

THE LED ZEPPELIN SHOW WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!

I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about the show right now. Robert's voice was in top form (and his hair is as sexy as ever) and the band was tight, tight, tight...

Jason Bonham blew us away. The power and intensity of his playing was a fine tribute to his dad.

Jimmy was dazzling with his white hair and his playing was stellar throughout the entire show.

John Paul Jones held it all tight with his playing and on "No Quarter" and "Kashmir" took to the keyboards and added that sound that is classic, haunting Zeppelin.

We were on the floor directly in front of the stage right in front of the sound board. Awesome view and great sound.

The set list:

“Good Times Bad Times”

“Ramble On”

“Black Dog”

“In My Time of Dying”

“For Your Life” (first time they ever played this live)

“Trampled Under Foot”

“Nobody’s Fault but Mine”

“No Quarter” (John Paul Jones electric piano solo was incredible)

“Since I’ve Been Loving You”

“Dazed and Confused” (Before starting this song Robert said, "There are some songs that must be heard and this is one of them." Jimmy broke out the bow on this one!)

“Stairway to Heaven”

“The Song Remains the Same”

“Misty Mountain Hop”

“Kashmir” (Unf*&kingbelievable!!!!!!!!)

1st Encore:
“Whole Lotta Love”

2nd Encore:
“Rock and Roll”

Phew! It was one of the most incredible shows we have ever experienced. The energy that was palpable before, during and after the show was unforgettable.

The Shawns

1:02 PM  
Blogger The Bald Monkey said...

I'm greener then a Christams Tree. You guys rock.

5:52 PM  

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