Bubala, Mumi & Max

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

A Holiday Craft Idea From Bubala & Mumi

(queue in early 60's light and happy holiday elevator music for background...)

Dreading the up coming holiday season?

Around the Xmas holiday, do you find yourself asking your lover, "Honey, do you really think we should get our sisters' and our brothers' kids so much crap this year?"

You remember just how it goes from Xmases past. You sit there and open the one present that they got for you while their precious little monsters spend an hour opening all the presents you got for them. And, it always leaves you with that really uneasy feeling of, "Hmmmm... our siblings already got all the marriage rights and now we have to buy Birthday and Xmas presents for all of the products of their sickening sexual exercises? Now, that just doesn't seem EQUAL!"

(queue loud echo FX on the word equal...)

Well, Bubala and Mumi are here to help!

Introducing, the all new JARHEAD! The happy, handy equalizer for all of your sibling rivalry holiday needs! You won't have to spend an arm and a leg at Best Buy to own your very own Jarhead either. Here's how you can make one right in your very own home.

Supplies you'll need...
Paper and ScissorsA Jar
  1. Find a clean jar with a lid. Remove the label by soaking in warm, soapy water.
  2. Using construction paper, cut out two eyes, a nose and a mouth. You can color them with magic markers to add more detail or to choose a male or female look. Be creative with it!
  3. Now COMES the HARD part. You and your partner each have to ejaculate into the jar. Now, come on, be a man about it. Hold off for a few days and build up a good load, but have fun with it too. Maybe even make it romantic. Light a candle. Make a fancy dinner. Repeat this step until the jar is filled with your creamy man dressing. (Girls, I have no knowledge of how you all would do this, but if you can find a way to get it in there, you too can have your own Jarhead!)
  4. Now, put the lid on the jar and shake it up to mix yours and your partner's love goo thoroughly.
  5. Next, using a glue stick, attach the eyes, nose, mouth and any other things you'd like to decorate your Jarhead.
  6. Then, give your Jarhead a name like Jimmy, Janie, Johnny or Jenny Jarhead.
  7. Lastly, and this is the best part, call up your sister or brother and gloat about your new Jarhead.
Jimmy Jarhead!

---Ring-Ring-Ring---

Sister: Hello?
Mumi: Hey 'Sis! You'll never guess what Bubala and I just made.
Sister: (Excitedly) What?
Mumi: A Jimmy Jarhead!
Sister: A What?
Mumi: A Jimmy Jarhead! Now the product of our sexual exercises can join us for Christmas dinner! Just like yours. Isn't that fantastic?
Sister: Well I...
Mumi: Yeah. It's the best thing to happen since your bratty, obnoxious offspring dropped out of you.
Sister: Well I...
Mumi: And the best part is that Jimmy can sit at the kids' table and the kids can take turns mixing him up and watching his insides swirl all around. He really likes that you know. He says that it tickles! Wait... Hold on a sec, 'Sis... What's that Jimmy? Oh, okay. Thanks, sweetie. Hey 'Sis, Jimmy just handed me his Christmas list. He wants a Fender Stratocaster, a new bike, a 160GB Ipod, Evil Dead II on DVD, a G.I. Joe man, Hungry Hungry Hippos and a new flat screen TV for his bedroom. Now, you'll be sure to be a great and generous aunt to my precious little Jimmy Jarhead just like I am a great uncle to your hyperactive, Nintendoed-out, vidiot retards, right?
Sister: Well I...
Mumi: Great! This is going to be the best Christmas ever with little Jimmy Jarhead as an addition to our family. And, you'll have to see all of the pictures of little Jimmy that Bubala took. He put them all on one of those digital picture frames. It's adorable. You're gonna love it! There's even a few pictures of Bubala and I "making" Jimmy. Awesome stuff! Well, great talking to you 'Sis. You had better get out there and start shopping. You know how the month of December always seems to fly by, and Christmas will be here before you know it.
Sister: Well I...

---Click!---

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