Bubala, Mumi & Max

Friday, March 31, 2006

Pink Is The New Pope

Um, this is gay!I must admit that I have not paid too much attention to too many Popes over the years. Something about men dressing up in long, frilly, flowing robes and funny church lady hats and prancing all around handing out hate to the homos (Oooooh, A+ for alliteration!) while blessing every hetero sinner in sight, well, it all seems a little too disingenuous... ritualistic... rehearsed... well, just plain phony to me.

With that said however, is it just me, or is Pope Benedict just about the most unhappy looking Pope that you have ever seen? I have never seen him with a smile on his face. Well, besides an evil little grin every now and again, that is.

You'd think he'd be thrilled to be alive just about all of the time. I mean he gets all the free communion wafers, holy water and little boys that he could possibly want. He gets to ride around in that awesome Popemobile. I'm sure that he has God's cell phone number, for crying out loud. What more could a mortal man want?

Oh wait! I've got it. I know what would make him happier. A makeover!!! Yeah, that'll do it! I'm such a friggin' genius!

Pretty Little Pope
See, doesn't he look so much happier already?

Thursday, March 30, 2006

You Can Use The Internet To Find Porn? Really???

Ride 'Em Cowboy!
Here are some of the more interesting ways that people are landing on our blog site. People actually got here by using the following search strings. Maybe it's time that we stop all those posts about sex with female dogs...

  • "big ole milk juggs" - man, I bet they were really disappointed...
  • "big dick gay" - obviously someone looking for me...
  • "gay guys sexing with other guys" - oh wait, I think that was me searching for... um, nevermind!
  • "all fours boy riding" - obviously someone looking for Max...
  • "guys having sex with female dogs" - obviously Max looking for someone...
Happy searching everyone! I hope that you all found what you were looking for!

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Two Stories To Every Side

Please Remind Me That I Am Not A Plumber...Leaky
Today, I decided to try and be a Mr. Handyman around the house. I figured that I'd fix a couple of leaky faucets. How tough could that be?

The water shutoff valve is located under our house in a crawl space. So, I went under the house and turned off the water. Or, so I thought... When I got back up into the house and turned the faucet on, water was still coming out. Slower than before, but it was definitly not shut off all the way. I guess the shutoff valve does not work.

So, then I figured that it was time for me to become Mr. Public Works and shut the water off at the meter out next to the street. Well, do you know that the public works people have a special wrench that they use to open the meter cover? Do you also know that they have another special wrench that they use to shut off your main water supply? I did not know these things before. I do know these things now.

I managed somehow to get the water shut off and started to take the bathroom sink's faucet apart. Do you know that plumbers have special wrenches used specifically to take apart old faucets? I did not know that before. I do know that now.

Finally, after struggling with the wrong tools for a very long time, trying to get the faucet apart (and scraping it all up in the process), I succeeded. It was only then that I realized that I really had no idea why I was taking the faucet apart in the first place. I mean, I don't know how to fix a leaky faucet for cripes sake! What the hell was I thinking? So, I put it all back together again.

Then, the strangest thing happened. The faucet stopped leaking! I certainly don't know how or why, but it did!

I decided to try a little of my new found dumb luck plumbing skills on the bath tub faucet. I took it apart and put it back togther again after realizing that I had no idea why I took it apart in the first place, and... it stopped leaking! Once again, I certainly don't know how or why, but it did!
Daylight Saving Time!Put it in the bank!
Hmmmm, seems that this weekend, it is time to move the clocks forward an hour for Daylight Saving Time. I thought that this was the year that we were supposed to start saving daylight earlier in the beginning of March. Apparently, I was wrong. That doesn't start until next year.

Oh well, happy Daylight Saving Day! I am so looking forward to more daylight!
Sad Eyes...adopt her at www.mdspca.org
While renewing Max's dog license today at the pound, I decided to take a peek at the dogs up for adoption. Not that I think we can really get another dog. Max is the jealous and possessive type. But, I do love to look at the cute little doggies.

I noticed that many of the dogs in the shelter today had been given up by their owners, and I got to thinking how hard that would be. I don't know if I could give Max up that easily. He has become such a part of our lives now. He's our little boy.

That got to me to thinking about why these dogs were given up by their owners. Sure, some of them were bite cases, but what about the others?

How on earth did their owners give them up? I hope that it wasn't an easy thing for them to do. As strange as it sounds, I actually hope that it broke their hearts to have to give up their pets. I don't say this to be mean. I say it because it should break your heart to give up a pet. I know my heart would be broken for a very long time if I ever had to give up my little boy Max.
Line Dancing... Sorta'I've Been Waiting For A Girl Like You
As you faithful readers already know, any time I go to the store, the Post Office, the bank, the MVA, anyplace, I have to wait in a line, usually a very long, slow moving line. It's a fact of life that I have grown to accept. I cannot change it. I just deal with it and get on with my life the best that I can.

Well, lately, not only have I been getting stuck in slow moving lines, but I am getting stuck there with extremely impatient women.

Trust me ladies, the line is not going to move any faster if you keep sighing really loudly. It will not move any faster if you keep complaining loudly to me about how slow the line is moving. It will not move any faster if you keep on glaring at the help behind the counter. It will not move any faster if you keep looking at your watch every 30 seconds. The line will move as fast as it is going to move regardless of you.

So, please, stop pissing me off and just wait patiently like everyone else.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Tales From Titan

On Friday night, we went to Titan for the first time to hang out for a little while with the Bowie Cub and, hopefully, see some of our online pals. We got a surprise just before we left when our friends Tim and Donn called and told us that their previous plans for the night had fallen through and that they would be joining us at Titan as well. We hadn't seen them in a while due to conflicting schedules, and it was great to finally catch up with them. They just celebrated their 6th anniversary together. Congratulations Guys!

We found a table at one end of the bar and stayed there most of the night only venturing over to the other side of the bar to get drinks and to pee, both of which took a bit of time since the middle section of the bar was packed so tight with people. No one could really move and it was hard to get through the wall of men. There were some big bears there which puts a little monkey like myself in a real minority, but I pushed my way through. My concert crowd handling experience always comes in handy.

We saw a few acquaintances and some folks from the Blowoff crowd. We even ran into Bob and chatted with him for a while. He talked to us about mixing the Blowoff album. It should be ready in June. We are really looking forward to that! While we were talking to Bob, it reminded me of a blog that I almost wrote last week but decided not to because I was fighting a cold and just felt low-energy all week, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to share it anyway. But, what the hey, I'll take a detour into a blog bubble day dream to the nostalgia factory and then we'll come back to Titan.

For Those With Fuzzy Memories And Absent Friends

Hüsker DüThis past Thursday the 23rd way back in 1987 was actually the first time I ever met Bob Mould and saw him play live. Hüsker Dü was playing at The Lisner Auditorium in DC for their Warehouse: Songs and Stories album. Before the show, the band did an instore signing just down the street at Tower Records. Maybe you were there. I was one excited 20 year old as I stood in line with my friend Mike with some stuff to sign and our 5th row tickets to the show. The band came out, and we got our stuff signed, but I was too shy to talk to them too much especially considering the HUGE crush I had on Greg Norton at the time. WOOF! I had them sign my "Could You Be The One" 7" single and my Warehouse CD long box. (Remember those?) My friend Mike was not really a fan, but we would go and see shows together. He got a flyer signed and gave it to me afterwards. The flyer was actually wrong. It was printed earlier before the tour was delayed a month (I won't go into that) and, also, the DB's didn't play with them, only the Feelies did.

The show was one mind blowing experience. Hüsker Dü played all of Warehouse and a handful of other songs. (See setlist below.) It might have been the beginning of the end for the band, but you never would have seen it in their performance that night. Whatever internal problems that were going on were put aside as those three guys cast their spell over Lisner that night. I left feeling elated and happy that I had found the another perfect band to follow. Little did I know that I would be following one of them much more than the others and that 19 years and a day later I would be hanging out at a gay bar and chatting with him. I guess life really has it's twists and turns though.

Hüsker Dü Set List:

These Important Years
Charity Chastity Prudence and Hope
Standing In the Rain
Back From Somewhere
(Improv, see below)*
Ice Cold Ice
You're A Soldier
Could You Be The One
Too Much Spice
Friend You're gonna fall
She Floated away
Bed Of Nails
Tell You Why Tomorrow
Not Peculiar
Actual Condition
No Reservations
Flexible Flyer
Turn It Around
She's A Woman (Now He's A Man)
Up In The Air
You Can Live at Home

(Encore 1)
Never Talking To You Again
Gotta Lotta

(Encore 2)
Helter Skelter

* At this point, Bob broke a string , so Greg and Grant went into an improvisational bit while Bob was restringing. The people next to us were yelling "Drug Party," a rare Hüsker Dü song that popped up from time to time. I wasn't familiar with the song at the time and I haven't heard any boots of this show, so I can't say for sure if it was actually DP that was played.

Now back to Titan for...

Pee Shy Guy In The Bathroom

Mmmmm... Urinal Cakes...So, we are sitting there and chatting and drinking and suddenly it hits me. All these Cokes are making me have to pee, badly! So, I get up and make my way to the other side of the bar and, like I said, it wasn't easy to do. Bubala called it the "grope zone," but everyone behaved themselves while I walked by. I'm just too small of a guy to be attractive to a lot of this crowd I guess. I think most of them would be afraid that they'd break me. Anyway, I make it to the bathroom, and the stall is occupied but the urinals are free and there is this guy in there that says, "I'm too shy. Go ahead." So, I step up, whip it out and begin the ritual and then I hear, "I'm just too pee shy. If only I had an older brother that could have taught me. Then, maybe I wouldn't be so shy." I said, "It's OK buddy. I understand." Then, he steps up to the other urinal with his eyes on my dick and says "well, maybe I could try it." He keeps his eyes completely in my direction as I'm finishing up, and as I'm leaving he says "Oh, I just can't do this!"

Well here are some helpful hints if the stall is occupied, men:
  1. Concentrate on your dick, not mine.
  2. If there is something to read like a flyer for "Bears Gone Wild," it helps.
  3. The counting method (One -one thousand, Two-one thousand, Three-one thousand) works well too.
  4. Concentrate on your dick, not mine.
  5. Just use the stall, dude.

I made my way back across the bar, and we were all talking and checking out the crowd. Donn introduced us to WoofyCub. Bob talked about his upcoming trip down south to do a few acoustic shows while Bowie Cub kept taking my ball cap off of me and putting his cold hands on my bald head. Then, the feeling hit me again. Damn that Coca-Cola! So it was back through the grope zone where I said Hi to Steve (the guy who picked me up at Blowoff) and Jake (who Steve also picked up at Blowoff.)

I made it to the bathroom again and everything was occupied. So, I was doing that awkward waiting in the men's room kind of thing and hoping that the stall will be free first so I wouldn't have to deal with that Pee Shy Guy or some other "wandering eyes" guy like him again. I kind of noticed that there was more than one guy in the stall and none of the guys in there were peeing... a few other guys around noticed too. So, as a small audience trickled into the bathroom, the urinals became free and guess who was up to bat next? Yep, me.

So, I stepped up, whipped it out and tried helpful hints #2 and #3 and nothing happened. I was very aware of the crowd behind me and the guys in the stall next to me. So, I was out of there after a few minutes still having to pee. Damn it, I wish I had an older brother so this wasn't such an issue. Or, maybe if sucking cock on the pool table was an acceptable thing to do, then the stall would be free and I could go and pee in private. All of this happened at about the time that we were getting ready to leave anyway, so it was okay, I guess.

We decided to go and said our goodbyes to the Bowie Cub and to the rest of those who hadn't already left. We took a little walk down Rhode Island Avenue to catch up with Tim and Donn, and we joined them for dinner at Annie's. It was a little cold outside, but I was okay.

All in all, we really liked Titan. There were some nice looking guys there, and everyone seemed very friendly. Possibly too friendly! We'll certainly go back again some time.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

I Is Unliterate

My Favorite Foreign Language
I like music. I have a pretty decent sized CD collection, probably close to 1,000 titles. If you add in Mumi's collection of close to 1,500 CD's (with very few overlapping titles, strangely enough) then I have quite a selection of CD's to choose from on any given day. I could listen to a different CD every day for almost seven years without repeating any. That's a lot of music. Yet, I still feel musically illiterate...

For the longest time, maybe the past seven or eight years, I have just assumed that there was not any new music coming out that I would actually enjoy listening to. I heard what the major labels were spitting out and it made me sick. It was all crap for the most part. Sure, there were a few gems here and there, but mostly, it was just awful, awful crap! It was not until just very recently that I realized that there is a whole wide world of music out there that I could really enjoy.

With the help of some fellow bloggers like The Sean Show and Dumbek's Random Stuff and by attending social events like Blowoff, I am realizing that there is a lot of great music out there just waiting patiently for me to discover it. Big thanks to all you guys for opening my eyes to a whole new world!

Some of the bands/artists that I'm digging currently:If you all can think of any other music that might be of interest to me based on the artists listed above, then feel free to e-mail me or leave me a comment!

New music is so exciting!

Monday, March 20, 2006

March Madness - Blowoff

On Saturday night, we punished Max for trying to use our blog for quick hook ups with the bitches. We told him that we were going to Blowoff, and he wasn't allowed to go. So, as the time neared for us to get ready to go, he sulked and hid under the dining room table in disgust as we walked out the door.

We made it down to 9:30 Club at about 11:30, got inside quickly and found a local friend, Glen Burnie Jim and his buddy. Shortly thereafter , we were joined by the Bald Bowie Cub who would ultimately end up hanging with us until the end of the night because he's great company and he's so nice to look at. Speaking of nice looking guys, Blowoff was overflowing with them this month (SHWING!), more so then any other time that we've ever been. I didn't see the ghost of Steve Rubell out front pointing at people and saying "OK you look hot enough to come in, but not you. You need to go home and grow a beard before you can come in. Maybe next month." So, I guess the right kind of guys just know where and when the best party around happens.

Bob Rocks!
I collected handshakes from quite a few of the DC area bloggers. The always friendly this guy, and that handsome couple (one of which shares the same birthday as me just a few days ago.) We met this guy and his buddy, and we saw this guy and his buddy but never found the right time/nerve to go over and introduce ourselves. They were always too busy dancing. The atmosphere was hot and the shirts came off quickly. (Not ours though, because we are shy.) The volume wasn't as overpowering as it seemed to be last month. My ears are not ringing like crazy today, and that is a very good thing. Bob and Rich added two more songs to the live performance set (thanks guys!) which made it and an even more perfect centerpiece for the evening. The songs and video images on the screen behind them work very well together. And, the video images that play during the DJ sets are very humorous at times and very trippy at other times. Bubala took some pics, but I think it was a little too dark and he hates to be the "paparazzi flash in your face guy." Maybe we'll try again next month.

Rich Rocks!
Let me see, what else happened? I got picked up by this guy named Steve. No, I didn't go home with him. He grabbed me in a bear hug from behind and literally picked me up off the ground. He also did it to our friend Jake so I guess it was okay. We were having a fun time dancing or what we stiff suburban white guys consider an attempt at dancing. I collected a few unexpected hugs as well. One from this guy's other half who informed me that "he doesn't do handshakes, he does hugs" which is probably one of the friendliest things I've ever heard. The other hug was from this guy just as we were leaving and saying our goodbyes. It was such a warm and comfortable and sweet embrace. I'm never washing my body again... (just kidding)

Thanks again to Bob and Rich for throwing the best party around, and we hope to see you all there next month.

But wait, there's a little more to the story. When we got home at around 3:45 AM, you couldn't imagine how shocked we were to drive up and find a huge party going on at our house. It seems that Max was very successful with his blog entry and found plenty of bitches to satisfy his lustful urges. There were at least 20 of them in our house partying and sexing it up while we were at Blowoff. If you think some of those bears can act like pigs, just imagine how sleazy a straight, horny dog that lives with two gay monkeys can be.

Max gettin' it on!

Sunday, March 19, 2006

Sunday Morning Quickie

These guys sounded incredible last night
Just a quick note this morning to say that Blowoff was awesome last night. The best one that we have been to yet. They just keep getting better. Lots and lots of hot, fuzzy (mostly shirtless) men, great music and a fantastic live set. What a great evening! We'll post more detials later on, after we wake up! :-)

Friday, March 17, 2006

God Reads This Blog! I Have Proof!

He really does!Could it be just a coincidence that only two days after I blog mockingly about God burning Texas down, He lights my own home town on fire? I think not! Yeah, that's right, God reads this blog and boy howdy is he pissed off!

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Looking For A Few Hot Bitches...

Hey all you guys. It's me, Max. You haven't heard from me in a while. Well, actually you have never heard from me before. Bubala and Mumi are mean, and they don't ever let me use the computer. They are both at work right now, so I snuck on today. Don't tell them though, or I'll get in big trouble! I'm not supposed to be on here because they say that I slobber on the keyboard too much.

Anyways, I'm hoping that you all can help me out. I'm looking for a few hot bitches to come over and hang out with me on days that the boys are both at work. I get a little lonely over here sometimes. Plus, this big old empty house gets real creepy when I'm here all by myself.

So, I'm sure that one of your first thoughts is going to be, "What?!? You mean you're not gay?" Sure, I live with two gay guys, and I'm totally cool with that. Gay people are awesome, but the truth is, I like the bitches. I'm not gay. Well, I do think that Mumi is hot when he struts around here half naked after he works out. And, I do like to stare a lot while the boys are having hot, sweaty man sex... Hmmmmm.... I guess I could be bisexual. Oh well, whatever, right now what I need is some furry, female dog action.

I was hoping that you guys could share my information with any hot, horny girl dogs that you might know. Maybe share my picture with them. Tell them what a great guy I am.

Max Nekkid
My vital stats:
  • 15" (tall that is, don't get too excited ladies!!)
  • 32 pounds
  • blond hair
  • brown eyes
  • 2.5" joy stick (but, I know how to use it!)
  • cut (my balls are cut off, that is...)

I like...
  • long walks on a leash
  • good food (only brand names for me, no crappy kibble for this good boy)
  • good conversation (I like to bark up a storm with the right woman)
  • squeaky toys (I always share these)
  • treats (I don't always share these)
  • cuddling
  • licking all over (and I do mean all over! I have a very talented tongue!)
  • playful biting
  • a little bit of bondage (I always wear the collar)
  • water sports (I love to mark my territory)
I am looking for bitches who just want to have fun with no commitments. Women who aren't afraid to get down on all fours and do it doggie-style. Women who want to please their master and be pleased by their master at the same time.

Oh yeah, and it's not like I don't have experience with the women. I'm plenty experienced! In fact, before I moved in with Bubala and Mumi, I had a secret life that not too many other people know about. Don't believe me? Well, then here's the proof...

Stud Dog
Yep, that's me with those hot naked babes! Yeah, that's right, I'm a stud! Jealous?

So guys, make sure you tell all your bitches about me! If they're interested (and you and I both know that they will be), then please give them my e-mail address: WigglePaniggle@yahoo.com

Thanks Guys! Oh yeah, and by the way... Woof!

Love, Max

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Wouldn't That Be Ironic?

Idol ThreatsHmmmmm, so Texas is on fire. And, Missouri, Oklahoma, Indiana and Kansas are hit by over 100 tornadoes in a 24 hour period. (Sorry Illinois, you just happened to be in the way!)

Could it be that God is unleashing his wrath on all of those conservative Christians in those middle-American red states?

I, for one, would like to think so.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

I Got Some New Toys To Keep My Head Expanding

Happy George DayBig thanks to everyone who sent me Birthday wishes in whatever form they came in. It was actually one of my best Birthdays in recent memory. I woke up to find a whole bunch of Curious Georges scattered around our living room. They all had Curious George party hats on. They were holding balloons and there was a Curious George Happy Birthday banner hanging up. There was also a framed Curious George movie poster on the sofa. MY LOVER ROCKS! It was a great way to start the day. I highly suggest that everyone start as many of their days this way as possible.

I took the day off from work, but I did do my exercise work out. After the workout, Bubala took some Birthday pictures of me for prosperity's sake. I really didn't think that any of them would end up on this blog though. I thought he was just adding more pics to his private collection. You see, it's kind of weird. Even after almost 10 years of doing it with the same guy, (me) he still gets off on naughty pics and vids of me. I know it's perverted and sweet at the same time. There is a whole big world of naked homo smut out there, and he still wants to look at pictures of his lover. (Yawn!) I guess I think it's kind of like Madonna saying "Hmmm, it's Saturday night, Guy took the kids out and I'm home all alone. I think I'll play Like A Virgin and Like a Prayer back to back and rock out and pretend like I'm the singer."

The Bike

Biker DudeBut, I digress. This blog is supposed to be about my new toys. Bubala's big present to me (as if all that Curious George stuff wasn't enough) wouldn't show up until the day after my Birthday. So, after the annual video taped "Great Gig In The Sky" and after a nice walk in the park with Max, (oh yeah, and I think Bubala and I did it somewhere in there too) we headed down to Annapolis for dinner at Red Lobster and to look at bicycles. I had been saving up for a new one for a while. Since I had received my income tax refund and since it was my Birthday, I decided to go for it and buy a new bike.

Where we live, we are only two houses off of the B&A bike trail. I can ride all the way down to Annapolis or around the BWI Airport. My usual path is around BWI. The path has enough hills to make it interesting and enough flat areas so that you don't feel like your dying trying to pedal all the way around. And, if I leave my house, go around once and then turn around go back the other way, it is about a 25 mile trip. A good bike work out for sure. This is what I do every day after work when the weather is nice enough. Up until now, I had been doing it on a mountain bike, but I was thinking that it was time to invest in a better bike for the terrain. By the way, in case you're wondering, no, I don't wear those skin tight spandex biker shorts that show every nook and cranny of my naughty bits. Usually, I'm in active wear, sweatshorts and a tee. Yes, I do wear a helmet almost all of the time. I don't always wear a shirt in the summer though.

The day after my Birthday, when I got home from work, the weather was nice. There was a box there on the table for me. I knew that the box wasn't going anywhere, so I went out for my first ride on my new TREK 27 speed bike. It was heaven, but I found that I'm still a little rusty at riding this year because it's still a little cold and riding on a bike makes it feel even colder. I have only been out bike riding a couple dozen times since December and I didn't go out at all in February. So, those hills still give me a challenge at this point in the year. The new bike made it easier. It made it seem more like I was flying than bicycling.

The Drum

Just Beat ItWhen I got home from the bike ride, I finally decided to open the box to find my new Pearl piccolo snare drum inside. I picked it out online, and Bubala said he wanted to buy it for me. It was just about 24 years ago that, after pestering my parents relentlessly, my dad caved in and brought me home my first drum set. It was a used three piece set of Zimgar drums in a red sparkle finish. It was a happy day for this monkey way back then. I could finally let the whole neighborhood know just how much I liked to beat off. After I got a job, I replaced that original three piece set with a new, better set, but I still have fond memories of my first drum set.

Throughout the years, my musical journey his twisted and turned a bit. I won't go into all that right now, maybe another time. Over the years, however, drums had taken a back seat to other instruments for quite a while, so I wanted to get back into drumming mainly because I've just really been getting the bug to drum lately. I have been listening to a lot of albums that feature great drummers and great drumming, and I have been air drumming all over the place. So, I thought a piccolo snare by itself on a stand would be a perfect way to get back in to shape. You know how little old ladies like to sit and watch TV while they knit? Well, this little old monkey can sit and watch TV and practice drum rolls and paradiddles and develop my left hand some more so that I can become ambidextrous. And then I'm sure you all know what else I'll be able to do with either hand... :)

My new snare drum has a great high pitched staccato sound which makes my rolls sound better then they really are. Or, maybe I haven't lost my touch just yet. At any rate, it is a good discipline to work on. Bubala even wants me to show him a few things, like how to hold the dicks... I mean how to hold the sticks. And how to give perfect head... I mean how to tune the drum head! I really recommend that every household get at least one drum. They can really help bring you and your boyfriend closer together.

Saturday, March 11, 2006

A Photo & A Poem

Turning Dizzier

The Prize

     Stepping into the void
     At the end
     All of your successes so easily
     Failing before your eyes
     Where is the prize?
     With no one left to share it
     Why did it matter so much?
     Where did it all go wrong?
     Your perfect vision

Friday, March 10, 2006

Moanin' And Groanin' (Not The Fun Kind...)

On The Rag
So, every time I get in a line at the supermarket or a department store or Target or wherever, the same thing happens. The line that I am in stops moving. It doesn't just slow down a little, it stops. There is no way for me to avoid this problem. It is pretty much guaranteed to happen.

Case and point, last night, Giant Food. I stop in for a few things hoping to get in and out real quick. All I need is some Pepsi, a couple of apples, trash bags and some strawberry preserves. I find all the stuff on my list right away and get up to the front of the store to get in line. Most of the lines are three or four people deep and each person has at least half a cart load of stuff. I spot a line with just one lady in it and she only has a few things on the belt. I figure my line luck might just be about to change, and I hop into that line.

Well, wouldn't you know it. No sooner do I get in line, and I hear the lady in front of me say those dreaded words, "Oh no, that's not how much that is supposed to cost."

Damn it, damn it damn it!

Turns out that she is trying to buy two boxes of tampons that she claims are on sale two for $5, but they are ringing up at $5 each. So, of course, the cashier has to do a price check. I can't believe what happens next as the cashier yells across the crowded store, "Hey Bob! I need a price check on these extra large tampons!" I'm not shitting you, this is exactly the way it happened. So, Bob goes off and checks the price and then yells back across the store to the cashier, "The extra large tampons are $5 each. The smaller tampons are on sale two for $5!"

By this time, you would think that the lady buying the tampons would be mortified and that she'd just want to get her tampons no matter how much they cost and run out of the store and never look back! But, this is Glen Burnie, so she's not mortified. In fact, she seems completely unfazed and she hollers back to Bob, "Well, if the extra large tampons aren't on sale two for $5, then why are they on the same rack with the smaller tampons and a sign that says two for $5?" Of course, Bob doesn't have an answer to that.

By now, I'm thinking to myself, "Okay, we have a large lady here trying to buy extra large tampons, so it's most likely her time of the month. Let's not mess with her and aggravate her any more than we have to, please. Just give her the extra large tampons two for $5 so no one gets hurt, and I can out of here and get home, please!"

So, Bob, the cashier and the large lady bicker back and forth for a couple of minutes before the store manager finally comes over to help out. He ultimately sides with the large lady. Probably because he is afraid he'll get the crap kicked out of him by a large PMS'ing woman if he doesn't. He lets the lady have the extra large tampons two for $5. Thank goodness!

So, let this be a lesson to all you guys out there. If you see me standing in line in a store somewhere, please come on over and say hi. Just make sure that you do not get in line behind me.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Happy Birthday Bald Monkey!

Happy Birthday to me...
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
I look like a monkey
And I live in a tree

39 years ago today, an alien ape was born unto this land. He was bald where some day there would be hair and hairy where some day there would be just baldness. Inside of his body, over the years things just grew and accumulated, kind of like a compulsive shopper who lives in a one bedroom apartment. He would be fine for a while. But, 39 years later, his body is too small for his soul and, as a result, it is splitting at the seams and leaking all over the place.

On the more optimistic side, according to Genre magazine, he only has one more year left before those nice young queens in their clean white coats dress him in a muumuu, a big floppy hat and those 70's looking Elton John sunglasses and ship him off to Palm Springs to drink chartreuse tropical drinks in the sun with all the other over 40 gay guys. Isn't that the gay retirement age? You know, it's kind of like that movie, Wild In The Streets where they lowered the voting age to 14 and sent everyone over the age of 30 to LSD concentration camps.

On the other hand, I suppose that the idea of being an overweight twenty-something straight guy married to the ever-evolving bitch with a few children certainly doesn't appeal to this monkey. He has always seen that lifestyle more as a death-style. So, maybe Palm Springs isn't all that bad. He could work on his tan, get a crystal meth habit and have lots of mindless sloppy sex with everyone. Oh yeah, that's all part of the gay retirement plan.

Happy Birthday to you...
Pssst! Hey guys, it's me, Bubala! I snuck into Mumi's blog post so that I could add this pic of him so you all can see that he is still hot as shit, even at 39! Enjoy the pic while you can. As soon as he finds out I snuck it in here, he's probably gonna make me delete it! :) Now, back to Mumi's post...

Only, I kind of think that when his time comes (in only a year) he won't be quite ready to go. He'll be saying, "Who me? I'm not 40. I'm only 30. I wasn't born in the year of the Summer Of Love. I was born in the year that punk broke." Maybe if he just plays it real cool and tries to blend in, those queens in their clean white coats won't catch up with him for a few extra years. What do you think?

Oh yeah, this Birthday stuff certainly has had a traumatic effect on this monkey at least once before. It was the only time that he has ever had his head between the legs of a woman. Something he vowed never to have happen again... ever. Ew, Yuck!

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Will It Win, Or Won't It?

Brokeback Humor
Guess we'll just have to wait 'til tonight to find out...

Thursday, March 02, 2006

It's Just So Sad

The Love Story Part

Yeah, it starts with a "Love Story" and it’s kind of a long love story so, if you are pressed for time, skip down to the really sad part.

Once upon a time, in September of 1995, I went to work for Tower Records in Annapolis where I was living at the time. It was just a part-time job, but it came with some great perks like free promo CD’s, discounts on stuff, and, if you knew the right people, you could get on THE LIST for concerts. It was a cool job. The guy in charge of most of this free stuff, however, was a real asshole. We were supposed to be allowed to take 3 CD’s a week on a specified day. I remember asking him many times if I could look at the promo CD’s on my day, and he would frequently and usually very gruffly say "No!" (One of the few times I did manage to get some promo CD’s, I selected one by a band called Porcupine Tree just because the name was so cool. They are now one of my favorite bands!) Luckily, I didn’t have to interact with this asshole manager too much at first. However, when I started working there more during the next year in 1996, I had to be around him a little more often. I guess he wasn’t too bad though.

Hairless Sexy BubalaOnce all the slutty girl clerks that worked there realized that I must be gay because I was oblivious to their advances, then the word got out. That was okay though, because Tower Records has always been very gay friendly. So, in the spring of 1996, some of my co-workers started telling me that they thought the asshole manager was gay too. Only, he didn’t know it yet, and that was why he was such an asshole. Furthermore, they all thought that I should ask him out. I thought to myself, hmmmmmm, you know I never really thought of him in that way. He’s always been such an asshole and a little too clean-shaven for my tastes, but cute enough. So, what the hell, I was not seeing anyone at the time. Each day at work, I would make it a point to try to talk to him a little more. At first, we were both very shy about the whole thing, but I kept asking him if he wanted to hang out together some time, and he finally caved in and agreed after about a month of me asking.

That lead to more dates. In fact, that following summer, we were together all the time. So, of course after that, I got all of the best promo CD’s, and I was on THE LIST for all of the best shows, and he would take me into his office, shut the door, take out my cock and blow me while we both on the clock. Finally, our relationship became more important than the job. We realized that if we wanted to stay together, we couldn’t be together all of the time at work and at home. So, I left Tower. Yeah, it was kind of an ugly exit (that‘s another story for another time) but it was for the best for everyone involved. Our relationship continued however and a year after our first date, we bought a house together because we just couldn’t stand being apart anymore. The asshole manager continued working at Tower, only he wasn’t as much of an asshole anymore. I had cured him of (most of) his assholism and everyone cheered, "HURRAY!"

He continued working there through the rest of the 90’s and early 2000’s. So, we still got lots of free stuff. And, when he did finally move on, we still had some friends there that helped us out with things like discounts and concert tickets. I even scored a front row center seat for RUSH in 2002 and only paid face value for it. Eventually, most of our friends moved on as well.

The Really Sad Part

Tower Records in Annapolis is closing it’s doors for good on March 12th. Actually, it looks like the beginning of the end for the whole company. They have been struggling financially for many years now. In Annapolis, their landlords are doubling the rent, and Tower just can’t afford it. So, rather than trying to find another location and set up shop elsewhere, which would be very expensive, they are pulling out of the city alltogether. Tower is not only a mishmash, cultural place for the town, it is also a place where you can pick up the DC and Baltimore gay newspapers. You can buy porn there descretly without having to get all creeped out by going to a porn shop. You can get some CD’s, an action figure, a Cum Daddies III DVD, a Rush poster, a copy of Bear Magazine, a book on growing pot, a dead head sticker and some candy. Best of all, the chick with green hair, nose ring, tattoos and a huge spike sticking out of her lip will ring it all up for you with no questions asked. She’s just too high to care.

I think about that kid out there who is lonely and scared about his sexuality and how a place like Tower really could be his salvation. A place where he could sneak that copy of Inches in with his CD’s and his Punk Planet magazine and hope that the green haired chick didn’t ask for ID. (She probably wouldn’t. I told you she’s just too high to even notice.) He could go home and wank to some naked hung guys. He could even pick up a copy of the Washington Blade on his way out. Now, what is he gonna do?

Happy Tower CoupleFor me, or us I should say, the place has more significant value. It is where we met, the place that brought us together. And now, it will be gone forever. We went in last Saturday and snuck in a few kisses in the store. We are gonna go back again too, because EVERYTHING IS ON SALE! Do you think that they will let us borrow an office for one last blow job. Or, maybe we should start going at it with each other right there in the middle of the Pop/Rock/Soul section somewhere between "L" for Cyndi Lauper and "R" for Rush.

Goodbye Tower Annapolis, we will surely miss you...