Bubala, Mumi & Max

Friday, September 28, 2007

Speaking Of Manhunt...


If you ever see me on Manhunt, and you want to try to impress me with a clever pick up line, let me assure you that this one definitely will not work on me:

"Hey man. Do you own a 2 headed dildo by chance??"

That is all...

Tuesday, September 25, 2007


3Today, I did three different things that I have not done in a very long time.

First, during the early afternoon, I stopped by the local community college. I am very seriously considering going back to school to get a degree in something. (I just haven't figured out what yet!) Over the past 19 years, I have accumulated two semesters worth of credits that really don't add to too much of anything when you put them all together.

So, today, I went to the college to take a few placement tests for Math and English. The purpose of the tests was to see what I already knew about both subjects, so the college can determine which courses I am eligible to sign up for. I scored very highly on the English exams and, surprisingly, I did reasonably well on the Math tests too. I am eligible to sign up for college-level credit courses in both subjects. That's pretty impressive considering that I have not set foot in an English or a Math class for over 19 years!

I have to admit, however, that the tests were not quite as easy as I thought they'd be. I really had to reach pretty far into the back of my brain to remember how to do some of those Algebra problems.

The second thing I did today that I have not done in quite a long time was go hiking. Last year, I went hiking just about every other day during the Spring and Summer months. I don't know what happened to me this year though. I bought my Maryland State Parks season pass very early in the year, but I just never made it out to the parks. Ah well, there is still some time left this year. Hopefully, I'll get out a few more times before it gets too cold. It really is beautiful out there in so many ways, and, for me at least, a good hike refreshes my body and clears my mind like nothing else can.

Finally, on the way back home from the hike today, I did something that I used to do all of the time, but have not done for years now. I took the long way home. I turned off onto a road that I had never been on before in my life, and I just drove. I had no idea where the road would lead to. I just figured that eventually I would come upon something that I recognized. It was a nice long way 'round too. I drove along some narrow, winding roads in a very old part of Howard County, Maryland. The houses and scenery were beautiful. Sometimes, it is nice to just go some place that you have never been to before. To see something beautiful and new. Sometimes, it is nice to wander.

Eventually, I ended up on some familiar roads that led me back home, but I was so glad that I had taken the long way to get there. I had certainly taken the road less traveled, and it really did make all the difference.

No New Tale To Tell

I only wish that my life was more exciting so that I would have something thrilling and/or tantalizing to post here. I am truly stumped today. I've got nothing.

Anyone have any questions? Anything you'd like to know? Go ahead, don't be afraid to ask. Nothing is off limits. I have no secrets. (Or shame, I suppose...)

Fire away!

Friday, September 21, 2007

"R & R"

Concert Tickets

The Bald Monkey: Well, you've been doing a lot of running around lately, huh?
Mumi: The usual Bubala and Mumi R & R stuff. I'm a relatively mellow kind of guy, because I'm old now.
The Bald Monkey: R&R? Rest & Relaxation? Rock & Roll?
Mumi: Yeah, all of those, but I think we prefer RUSH and Roller coasters.
The Bald Monkey: Oh, I see. More of that shite again. Don't you get tired of it all?
Mumi: Well, yeah. The roller coaster thing is kind of getting old. On the other hand, I went to my 35th RUSH concert at Madison Square Garden in NYC last Monday night.
The Bald Monkey: And, how was it?
Mumi: They played better in Ohio a few weeks ago. It's the last few dates of the third leg of this tour. They could use some R&R before heading to Europe next month. The show went well though. The energy level from the band is always very high even though they are all in their mid 50's. They still rock out in all the odd time signatures the same way they have always done. They even rock harder now than I think a lot of their audience can keep up with. Not the real fans. They are always nuts. Because RUSH plays such big venues, however, a lot of the folks that show up are just there to see a concert. I watch these "fans" sometimes during the second set, standing there, arms folded, occasionally looking at their watches and wondering how much longer RUSH can possibly play and wishing it was all over so they could just go home. Then, next day they can go to work and brag about how they saw a RUSH concert and, "man they were awesome!"
The Bald Monkey: And you?
Mumi: I am a frantic monkey. From the time Neil hits beat one until the final crash of the last song, I don't stop dancing. I just wish I had more room to dance on Monday. There was a whole lot of "I'm going to bring my girlfriends" there. Everyone knows that most girls hate RUSH. Their audience has always been at least 80% male, so all of these guys end up bringing their wives and girlfriends who don't always rise to the beat that continues for a 3 hour total assault on your senses. If you keep up with it like I do, at the end you usually are ready for a little R&R before the next show.
The Bald Monkey: Are there are a lot of old farts like you there?
Mumi: It's strange. The core audience will always be the guys like me who grew up with RUSH. Most of us are between 35 and 50. There are also a few woman like us. Of course, we all bring our spouses. RUSH has become very multigenerational though. There are a lot of young kids who started listening to RUSH either through their parents or on their own. I've seen lots of fathers and sons and families and even groups of teenagers at RUSH shows. Some of these 10 year old kids know the words better than I do, and I've been singing them almost all of my life. So, their audience is still evolving after 33 years.
The Bald Monkey: So, does Bubala get into it?
Mumi: No, not really. He's more like the wife who stands there looking at his watch and wishing it was over. He has other responsibilities though. He's not there just to see a RUSH show. He has to set up my air musical gear, buy RUSH swag, take pictures and observe everything that I can't because my level of concentration is on a completely different plane.
The Bald Monkey: Does that mean you smoke a lot of reefer during RUSH shows?
Mumi: Dude! Are they are playing "Bangkok" on this tour?
The Bald Monkey: No way. They never play "Bangkok."
Mumi: Dude. This tour, they are playing "A Passage To Bangkok" in full for the first time since 1980. (My first RUSH tour.)
The Bald Monkey: So, you are smoking up?
Mumi: Yes. A lot of us are. The floor of MSG smelled just like a big old skunk farm Monday night.
The Bald Monkey: Well, alright! That's kind of cool in a retro kind of way. Being at MSG at a RUSH concert and everyone is high and singing.
Mumi: Yes sir!
The Bald Monkey: Did any thing else exciting happen?
Mumi: Yes. I have to tell everyone that I have the absolute best ever husband in the whole entire universe. Better then anyone else's ever in all of time.
The Bald Monkey: Why is that?
Mumi: Because not only does he do all of that stuff up above, but last night, he scored one little victory and caught one of the special limited edition RUSH T-shirts that the band throws out during the encore. He caught it directly from HRH King Lerxst himself.
The Bald Monkey: Really? That's great.
Mumi: Yeah. They must have known that it was going to be my last show and so Lerxst threw it right to Bubala.
The Bald Monkey: What does it say?


Mumi: Well, first let me explain. A few tours ago, Geddy Lee realized that in order to get the warm and dry bass sounds he desired, he should use a few Maytag dryers with microphones in front of them. The dryers were filled with special Limited edition T shirts that the band would throw out to the audience at the end of each show. Even though I was right down there in the first few rows on the Vapor Trails tour and the 30th Anniversary tour, I never caught one. On this tour, Ged decided that in order to get that perfect bass tone, the dryers were all dried up and he was looking for a more flavorful, tasty tone. So, playing his bass through three rotisserie chicken ovens full of cooking chickens that are basted regularly throughout the show has done wonders for the tenderness of his bass parts.
The Bald Monkey: I see. So, what is your T-shirt like?

Tastes Like Chicken!Still Tastes Like Chicken!

The Bald Monkey: So, does this do it for the RUSH shows?
Mumi: Well, I would say until the next tour, but I have heard rumors that this tour will resume in the early spring of next year. Rumor is that the band will do some more U.S. east coast dates. So, who knows. The ceiling is unlimited. Until the time is now again, trust me I'm a man of GED.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Not Like You Really Care, But...

El Toro

Here are my official 2007 roller coaster statistics for your perusal.

This year, I took...
144 rides on
115 different roller coasters in
25 different amusement parks.
66 of those were roller coasters that I had never ridden before.

Total number of feet traveled on roller coaster tracks this year:
over 336,514
That's over 64 miles!

Total number of different roller coasters I've ridden so far in this lifetime:
View the complete list of roller coasters that I've ridden here.

Here are my favorites:

Wooden Coaster: El Toro at Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey
Steel Coaster: Maverick at Cedar Point in Ohio
Honorable Mention: Mystery Mine at Dollywood in Tennessee

Yep, I'm a nerd all right!

Monday, September 17, 2007

My Blur Has Been A Life

This actually hurts...Not that I am complaining. It's nice to be popular. We have been such social, little, busy butterflies lately.

Let's see...

We went to Six Flags in New Jersey with Shane and David on Saturday. That was a lot of fun for me, of course. It was probably a lot more like work for the rest of the gang though. I can be a bit of a tyrant and/or dictator at amusement parks. As soon as we get there, my mind and body go into maximum overdrive. I take off towards the rides, and I don't slow down until we have ridden every roller coaster in the park at least once.

"What do you mean you want to stop for lunch?!? We've only been here for five hours, for Pete's sake!"

"No! You cannot stop to take a piss! Hold it in! We haven't ridden that Wild Mouse over there yet!"

"No, I don't care if your feet are all blistered and bleeding and you can't stand upright any longer, get into that next roller coaster line already!"

Yep, that's me all right. It must be such a treat to go to amusement parks with me. Anyone interested in coming along on the next trip?

We were home in plenty of time to make it to Blowoff on Saturday night, but after running around all day and getting banged up on the steel and wooden monster machines, we just weren't up to it. So, we missed out on the Saliva Pit action again this month. Of course, now that I think about it, we were at Blowoff last month and we still missed out on the Saliva Pit action somehow. I'm beginning to have my doubts about whether the Saliva Pit really exists.

Anyway, on Friday night, we hung out with a brand new bud named Kris. We had met him at Blowoff last month while dancing shyly next to him for a bit. We had only exchanged names and bear hugs though, and so I figured that was that. Then, last week, I saw him again on Manhunt. We got to chatting and set up a dinner date. We had a swell time hanging out with him. He's a super nice guy and VERY hot! I'm sure that we'll be seeing more of him, and maybe we'll just start our own Saliva Pit here in Glen Burnie...

The fun doesn't stop there though...

Tonight, we are headed to New York City and Madison Square Garden to see Rush again for like the millionth time this year. Oh Joy! I guess that's what I get though for dragging the Bald Monkey onto all of those roller coasters this summer. Should be a fun night. New York City is always a good time.

Oh yeah, today, while I was on Ticketbastard checking to see if any better seats had been released for the show tonight, a really cool word came as the verification code on the Ticketbastard Website. The word was hornify. I immediately decided that hornify had to become a part of my everyday vocabulary.

For example:

"The thought of hanging out in the Saliva Pit with all of those hot Blowoff studs sure does hornify me."


"I took one look at that hot stud, Kris, and I was immediately hornified."


"Roller coasters are hornifyingly transcendent, in my opinion."

C'mon everybody, let's get hornified!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Thursdays With Mumi

I've got my Orange Crush.Mumi thinks that I am just a super swell, all around great guy boyfriend because on most Thursdays lately, I have been bringing his favorite lunch from Panera Bread to him at work. Well, don't tell him, but the real reason that I am going to Panera Bread every Thursday is to see Kenny.


Kenny is a sandwich maker at Panera, and he is absolutely dreamy. A little bearish with a full beard and chest hairs flowing out above of the collar of his shirt. Beautiful bluish green eyes that could melt my heart. He can slap his meat between my buns any day of the week. Of course, since he works at Panera Bread, you know he must be gay.

Today, when he saw me, his face lit up. He smiled and said, "Hey there. How are you doing?"

I'm sure I blushed as replied back that I was just fine.

"That's good", he said.

It's so obvious that he is totally hot for me, isn't it?

I watched him carefully crafting sandwiches for a few minutes until he hollered out the words that I hate most to hear while waiting in line at Panera Bread on Thursdays... the order number at the bottom of my receipt. Mumi's sandwich was ready.


Tuesday, September 11, 2007



I went porn shopping with a friend today in Washington, D.C. There are no good gay porn outlets here in the Baltimore area, so I figured that I'd give Our Nation's Capital a try. I was looking for a particular movie released earlier this year called Mirage. The movie is jam packed with hot, hard, hairy men licking, sucking and just sexing it all up with each other. (Including my part-time boyfriend, Steve Cruz!)

The clerks at all three shops that we went to had no idea what movie I was asking them about, but they all did have plenty of hairless twink vids, lots of fisting flicks, too many thug DVD's to count and more piss pictures than you could shake your dick at. Is that what all of the "bois" are into these days?

Disappointed, but not yet completely defeated, I figured that I would head on over to the porn capital of D.C., also known as this guy's neighborhood! I had already read so much about the "gay book store" over there that I was sure that they would have the smut that I was seeking. Of course, not being all that familiar with the area, I had to do a little searching around to actually find the shop.

After about a half an hour of wandering aimlessly up and the down the streets, I found it. It was just as I had imagined it too. Complete with the "tacky billboard in front of the store with cut-out photos of half naked men from porn magazines."

So, with renewed vigor and enthusiasm, I reached for the door knob to let myself into the porno emporium. It was locked. WTF?!? It was only then that I noticed the crude, hand lettered, torn cardboard sign in the front window. It read, "Store no open today 'til 3:00pm." It was only 1:30pm. Sh*t! Unfortunately, I couldn't wait around for the store to open, so I was going to have to go home empty handed and completely flaccid today.

Ah well. Maybe I should just buy my porn on the Internet like everyone else, huh?

Artsy Tuesday: A Photo & A Poem

Original photo by Mumi. Digitally enhanced by frigiddigital.

Intimate Strangers - an original poem by Bubala
I am a strange one.
I enjoy hanging around in graveyards
Reading off the tombstones.
And, if I knew you any better,
I might sit inside my car
Outside of your house at night.
Waiting to catch a glimpse of you
Through your open window.
So, maybe it's better
If we remain intimate strangers
Through the glass.

I pretend that I am more special than the rest of the world.
That I am not at all disturbed.
I picture all of the happy events of my life
Unfolding beautifully
Right there before my eyes.
And, I see you there.
Through my windshield.
Through your living room window.
But, I'm smart enough to know
That is not enough.

So, I want to crash through
To the other side
And hold you in my arms.
You are frightened and confused.
But, you must love me.
I can see the joy there
In your eyes.
Hidden way down below.
Beneath the broken glass and fractured skin.
You really do love me.

Suddenly, I am filled with a calm
Like I have never felt before.
I could die right there.
Right now.

Like I told you before,
I am a strange one.
I rather enjoy plucking the wings off of horse flies
And then watch them try in vain
To fly away.
So, maybe it's better
For me
And for you
If we only remain
Intimate strangers.
Through the glass.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Does Anyone Really Know What Time It Is?

I went back to Cleveland this past Tuesday for the second time in one week. This time, it was for business. As you can maybe imagine, a bingo caller is not required to go on a lot of business trips. In fact, this was the first one I ever had to go on with this job, and I have been there for over seven years.

Anyway, I have not flown all that much since eleven-nine. (I'm European.) So, I do not know all of the security rules and regulations. Because of this, I get very nervous when traveling through security checkpoints at airports.

While my bag is rolling through the x-ray machine, I worry to myself, "Is it legal to bring fingernail clippers on a plane?" Or, "Is the bag screener going to mistake my nine inch black dildo for a billy club?" Or, "Did I remember to take that Ginsu meat cleaver out of the secret compartment of my carry on bag before I left for the airport this morning?"

So, of course, you can imagine how much I was sweating when a TSA agent picked my bag up off of the conveyor belt and asked, "Whose bag is this?"

I raised my hand, timidly, and nervously muttered that it was mine.

"Could you please step over here sir?" The officer asked.

I did what I was told. He took me off to a secluded corner of the screening area.

"Do you have any knives or other sharp objects in your bag today, sir?" I was asked.

"Um, I have fingernail clippers, but I thought that they were legal to carry on," I said as I reached to open the zipper pouch on the front of my bag.

"Do not touch the bag, sir!" The officer bellowed.

I withdrew my hand very quickly.

"I'm going to have to open your bag and look inside, sir." The officer said.

"No problem," I replied, trying to sound as cool as possible even though I was terrified that they were going to open my bag and find WMD's hidden in there or something like that.

The officer pulled open the front zipper pouch and poked around inside there with a wooden stick. Suddenly, his eyes opened up very widely as he quickly snapped on a rubber glove and reached in to my bag.

"Oh shit," I thought. This is it. I'm going to jail. Obviously, there is something in my bag that shouldn't be there. I thought that I was careful. I really did. I left my brass knuckles at home. I left my buck knife at home. I didn't pack any handguns this time. What in the hell was he going to find in there?

Then, to the gasps and horror of everyone within sight, he slowly pulled out this...

Deadly Weapon

Yep, that's right, my tire pressure gauge. The same one that had been in my bag through three other security checkpoints and on three previous flights, all without incident or embarrassment.

I really do wonder sometimes. Do they really know what they are looking for, or are they just making it up as they go along?

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

Return From The Land Of Rush & Rollercoasters

Snake Eyes!

The Bald Monkey: So, you guys are back from your RUSH and rollercoasters trip?
Mumi: Yeah!
The Bald Monkey: So, how was it?
Mumi: Hold your fire. I'm still unpacking my adjectives...

Okay, I'm done now. It was great. We had a really fun time. The weather was actually really nice everywhere we went, so we didn't get swept away in the high water. The sun was a little intense at times while waiting in line for coasters, but the hot mens factor in the parks was great eye candy during the boring waits.
The Bald Monkey: So, you had fun at the parks?
Mumi: I had fun at Cedar "Arrow." Bubala and I spent a fantastic day there together on Friday, but after having spent four hours there on Thursday followed by a 3 hour Rush concert Thursday night and then eleven more hours there on Friday, by the time we got to "A Farewell To Kings Island" on Saturday, I must admit that I was quite over the families and their unruly kids and with waiting in in line in the heat.
The Bald Monkey: But, you had a good time at Cedar Point?
Mumi: Yeah. Cedar "Arrow" is so gay. No, I mean Sooooooo Gayyyyyy. We even saw a couple of those crazy Lez-beans holding hands. They were obviously very in love. I kept wanting to hold Bubala's hand in the lines, but you know that is not allowed. If you didn't see the gays in line or walking around the park, then there were plenty of them to be seen operating the rides. And, you know the park just had to give these megalomaniacal, microphone wearing queens the freedom of witty speech with their pre-ride instructional speeches, because they were talking up a storm. My favorite thing that I heard one of them say was, "Please do not sit on the silver handrails while waiting in line. The silver hand rails are our friends, and we don't sit on our friends." You could just tell that it was something he looked forward to saying every day that he worked.
The Bald Monkey: So, you and Bubala rode a lot of coasters there?
Mumi: Yeah, but you'll have to ask him for details about all of that. But, be prepared for an earful. He's a big roller coaster nerd and will probably try to tell you who made all of the coasters, how old they are, how tall, how fast, what kind of supports. All that boring stuff. When he goes on and on about it while we're standing in line, I just kind of look around and hope that no one thinks that we're together.

"Who me? I've never seen that guy before in my life. I'm just a single rider."
The Bald Monkey: And, how were the Rush concerts?
Mumi: Fantastic and energetic. A local college radio station in Cleveland was playing an 18 hour RUSH marathon while we were there. They were playing all kinds of obscure Rush tunes like the 18 minute long "Hemispheres." Cleveland is where RUSH first started getting radio airplay of there independent first album. That led to them getting signed to a major label back in 1974. After 33 years, they have a developed big following around those parts. That's why there are three shows in just that one state.

The Cleveland venue was a pain in the ass to get to. We left in plenty of time, but played creepy crawly in the traffic for about 6 miles. There actually is a concert venue worse than the Nissan Pavilion. We were almost late for the show, but after jogging through the endless parking lot, I finally managed to make it to my seat with only about five minutes to spare. Then, I danced like crazy for the rest of the night.
The Bald Monkey: Dance? You can't dance to Rush.
Mumi: Sure you can. It's just a little more intense and spacious then regular dancing. And, there are a lot of air drums fills and air guitar and air bass solos involved.
The Bald Monkey: Oh. I see.
Mumi: That's why I need Bubala to go to the shows with me. All of those air drums and air guitars can get really heavy. I'm mean, that's a lot of air equipment. And then there are the air amps. Bubala makes a great air roadie. He even sets the stuff up for me. Except in Cleveland. I had to do it myself there, because we were late.
The Bald Monkey: And, how was the Cincinnati show?
Mumi: It was magical. Turns out we were in the 8th row and the place was right on the Ohio river across from Kentucky. America's heartland. There also was a little amusement park just outside of the venue where we got to ride another rollercoaster.
The Bald Monkey: A Bubala and Mumi wet dream. A roller coaster just outside of a RUSH concert.
Mumi: Truly! My favorite part was during the song "Workin' Them Angels" when the image of a soldier's silhouette with angel wings appears on the screen behind them. The crowd really responded to that. In fact, the crowds are really responding positively to the new Rush album, "Snakes & Arrows." It's theme is spirituality and the obvious religious battle between the Middle East and the Middle West. They are playing some older songs that have a lot of the same themes throughout them also.
The Bald Monkey: And, did the professor play a seven minute drum solo?
Mumi: It was more like 10 minutes.
The Bald Monkey: Will he go back to working for that watermelon in the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie after the RUSH tour is over?
Mumi: Yeah. I think that's his real job. That, and riding motorcycles. I hear that he also wants to get into voiceover work for nature shows though.
The Bald Monkey: What else happened?
Mumi: Let's see Lerxst and Pratt were seen in bed together. Some old friends from SCTV showed up to introduce a song. Lerxst gets lost on the Leela playing board. (Plane of Dharma) The South Park guys showed up to introduce a song. Dirk almost gets fisted by a Scottish man in a kilt named Harry Satchel. And, for the sixth time during this RUSH tour, Bubala and I are left with incredible cravings for rotisserie chicken and absolutely no feelings that we have to go home and do laundry.

Caught!Take Off, eh?'lil RushTastes like chicken!

The Bald Monkey: I just can't see it all being worth it. Going to all of those RUSH concerts, I mean.
Mumi: You may be right. It might all be a huge waste of time. I guess that's just the chance I'm prepared to take. The danger I'm prepared to face. Cut to the chase.