Bubala, Mumi & Max

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Love & Hate

I love the Aqua Teen Hunger Force...

I hate what America has become, post 9/11...

I love Ignignokt and Err...

I hate mass hysteria and paranoia...

Here is all I have to say to Boston Mayor, Thomas Menino, and Massachussets Governor, Deval Patrick...

F*** You!
It was a publicity stunt for cripes sake. And, you want to send the perpetrators to prison for 2 to 5 years? Get a grip...


Bubala Bowls
I went bowling yesterday for the first time in probably a couple of years. It was fun! I love bowling. I even have my own bowling ball, bowling bag, bowling shoes and a special bowling towel for when my hands get all greasy or sweaty!

Even though I hadn't been bowling in a while, I still did okay. I played six games. My lowest score was 125. My highest was 178. My average for the six games was 155. Not too shabby. I even got to be a turkey two times!

Bubala Turkey!
I went by myself because, apparently, I don't have any friends. Do you know how hard it is to take action pics for your blog of yourself bowling? It's not easy. Trust me! And, bowling center employees sure do look at you strange for photographing yourself while bowling.

I think I might go again tomorrow. Maybe I'll make it a regular Tuesday and/or Thursday thing since I have those days off. Anybody want to be my bowling buddy?

The only downside of my bowling fun was that today I have a few aches and pains in places where I didn't even know that I had places. If you know what I mean.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Bubala's Believe It Or Not!

I'd like to share with you the following three amazing photos all taken by me. All of these photos are untouched and not altered in any way. I'm sure that you'll agree with me that they are truly amazing!

1. Jesus In The Shaving Cream

One morning, I was about to smather some shaving cream across my cheeks when I noticed a tiny little face staring up at me from the dollop of foam on my hand...

Creamy FaceJesus!
Pretty amazing, huh? It might be the face of Jesus Christ or maybe even God himself! I guess I should have called The Pope or something, but I really just wanted to shave.

2. Robin Hood Lives In The Hair In My Tub

Mumi spotted this one after taking a shower one day. He made me take pictures of the clump of hair that he had pulled from the drain because he was and still is convinced that the clump of hair is the spitting image of Robin Hood.

Robin Hood?Robin Hood
Now that I see those two photos next to each other, I see what Mumi is talking about. That clump of hair does look amazingly similar to Robin Hood. Maybe he was hanging out in our shower looking for his best pal, Little John?

3. George Washington Gets Pooped On

I got into my car one day and was getting ready to drive off. Like any good driver does, I checked my mirrors before going anywhere. Imagine my shock when I looked into my rear view mirror and saw the silhouette of our first president, George Washington, splattered across my rear window...

Washington PoopQuarter
Man! That is one talented seagull that can poop out a portrait of George Washington!

To show my patriotism for our great nation, I refused to wash that poop off of my car. I was so proud to be riding around town with my poopy, Presidential portrait on display for anyone behind me at the traffic lights to see. Of course, it eventually rained and the poop washed away. Then, I was no longer that special guy with the Commander In Feces on his rear window. I was just normal old me again.


Sunday, January 28, 2007

I've Got Seven Inches

RecotonThe very first 45rpm record that I ever owned was Dark Lady by Cher. It actually came with a record player that my dad bought for me from a flea market for $5. The 45 was actually on the turntable when he bought it.

This was some time around 1975 or so. The record player was one of those big, old, clunky ones where you could stack a bunch of 45's on the spindle and only one would drop and play at a time. Of course, since I only had that one record back then, the stacking feature wasn't so useful for me. The speakers (or speaker, I should say, this baby played in mono!) was built into the body of the record player. I'm sure by today's standards, it sounded absolutely horrible, but I didn't care. It sure sounded like solid gold to me!

I played the hell out of that 45. I would sneak down into the basement and put it on when no one else was around. Then, I'd dance all around the room pretending that I was Cher. Singing along. Singing my little guts out. Spinning around and sliding across the floor, jumping here and there. It was just me and Cher. I loved pretending to be shocked every time at the end of the song when I found out that my man had cheated on me with the "fortune queen from New Orleans, brushing her cat in her black limousine." It was awesome!

I'm sure that I probably even tried this pose at least once or twice:

It should be no shock to anyone that I turned out gay.

I must have looked so absolutely, completely retarded though. Thank god they hadn't invented camcorders yet.

BlondieThe first 45rpm record that I ever actually bought with my own money was The Tide Is High by Blondie. I got it for 99¢ plus tax at the local Two Guys Discount Store.

I ended up trading it to my neighbor for another 45, I forget which one. Probably The J. Geils Band or something lame like that. I should have never traded that 45 though. I loved that song then and I still love it just as much now. He really wanted the Blondie 45 though, becuase he thought that the picture of Debbie Harry on the front was so sexy. He even hung the sleeve on his bedroom wall. I wonder if he ever masturbated while looking at my old Blondie 45 sleeve. Ewwww, gross!

I showed you mine, now you show me yours.
What was you first 33-1/3rpm/45rpm/cassette tape/CD?

Saturday, January 27, 2007

A Dreaded Sunny Day...

I really should be outside someplace enjoying this beautiful winter day, but here I sit, in the house, doors and windows closed, surfing for porn on the Internet...
Spanking The Monkey!
Well, at least I'm cutting my risks of developing prostate cancer, so it's not a total waste.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

I Feel So Violated...

Future Gays!...and not in the fun, sexy way either!

I just found out about the whole Donnie Davies controversy. You know the whole God hates fags thing. Well, in November, 2004, I recorded a song under the phony band name, "The Glen Burnie Tabernacle Choir." Wanna know what that song was called?

It was called God Hates Fags!

That phony, faggy, fakey-fake stole my song idea! I'm furious!

You can listen to my original and totally superior song by clicking on the link below. Enjoy!

The Glen Burnie Tabernacle Choir - God Hates Fags - mp3 file - 5.41MB

Here are the lyrics...
I'm George W. Bush and I approve this message...

God hates fags
The Bible tells me so
There ain't no place for queers in Heaven
So I guess they just won't go

God hates fags
All good Christians do believe
Look inside your bibles
And I'm sure that you'll agree with me that

God hates fags
The Pope, he does concur
He must get so distressed
When all those priests molest those little boys 'cuz

God hates fags
G. Dubyah surely cares
He tried to pass some hateful laws
To make sure faggots don't get married

Liberty... the condition of being free from restriction or control
The right and power to act, believe, or express oneself in a manner of one's own choosing
Justice... fairness, the quality of being just

halleluiah... halleluiah...

We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America

God hates fags
It really must be true
And even though I should not judge
I'm sure that God would want me to 'cuz

God hates fags
Dick Cheney has a hunch
He had to tell his daughter
That she should give up her carpet munching

God hates fags
It's time we put them in their place
We can try real hard to be like Hitler
Make ourselves a perfect human race

God hates fags
And he loves us all the best
All you Muslims, Buddhists, Jews, etc.
You better watch out becuz you're next now...

Freedom... the condition of being free of restraints
The capacity to exercise choice; free will

halleluiah... halleluiah...

All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws

Paid for by Bush/Cheney 04, Inc. and the Republican National Committee

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

This Is The Blogging Of The Day At The Aquarium

The National Aquarium In Baltimore
When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars...
Oh, wait... that's something else completely different.

This past Saturday, we spent a fun-filled afternoon at the Baltimore Aquarium with our great friends, Tim & Donn. We started with lunch at Johnny Rockets. I am a big fan of Johnny Rockets. I love the place. The food is pretty good, but the atmosphere is what I love even more. The whole 50's diner theme. The way that the waiters/waitresses sometimes stop everything and burst out into song right there in the middle of the restaurant. Great stuff! I am trying to visit as many different Johnny Rockets restaurants across the country as I can, but I'm not doing such a good job so far. I think I have been to like five or six of them.

After lunch, it was off to the aquarium. Since Tim & Donn are members at the aquarium, we didn't have to pay to get in. We also did not have to wait in line. Wow! I guess membership really does have it's privileges.

Rather than bore you with my blather and inane ramblings, I'll get straight to the pictures with some minimal commenting.

Exterior shot of the National Aquarium in Baltimore.
The Aquarium

Can you spot me in the pic? I'm the one with the big mouth!
Mr. Big Mouth

I referred to these fish affectionately as the snobby fish. Don't they look all snooty, like Jeeves or something?
Snooty Fish

This was the scariest part of the movie. Right before the killer penguin attacked Mumi and tried to peck him to death.
Killer Penguins

This dolphin used mind control and his eerie glowing blue eyes to hypnotize the young children. Then, using more mind control, the dolphin instructed the children to kill all the parents in the audience and steal their fish.

How come we can train dolphins to do cool things like this, but we can't train them to stay out of the tuna nets?
Jumping Dolphin

I told Tim & Donn that they needed a TV like this in their basement. They disagreed.
Psychedelic TeeVee

When I asked Mumi why do seahorses exist, he told me that they just had to exist. Otherwise, there would be no real horses like Mr. Ed or Black Beauty.
Hung Like Horses

If I had to hear one more little kid scream, "Look Mommy! Nemo!" then I am sure that I would have been arrested for throwing children into the shark tank.
Death To Nemo!

Tim has a close call with a giant man eating sabre-toothed killing fish! Luckily, he had remembered to wear his killer fish repellent!
Look Out Tim!

I love "smash-a-pennies!" I had to assure Donn that we would not go to prison for smashing the pennies though.
Penny Smasher!

Friday, January 19, 2007


Everyone, please say hello to my new boyfriend...

Steve Cruz
His name is Steve Cruz.

Steve Cruz
He is one hot, hairy mo-fo for sure.
He makes my pants get tighter...
If you know what I mean.

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Everybody Hurts

Everyone finds something about themselves to be insecure about.

"My belly is too big."
"My dick is too small."
"My titties are lopsided."
"My eyes are too far apart."
"My ass is too flabby."
"My lips are too fat."
"My legs look like toothpicks."
"My nose is too huge."
"My face scares old ladies and small children."

And the list goes on and on and on...

Not one of us is perfect.
But, probably, most of us are closer to perfect than we will ever give ourselves credit for.

Don't be so hard on yourself.
You are beautiful too.

Monday, January 15, 2007

In The End

Nice Asses!As Saturday night approached, plans were made that we would stop at Jimbo’s place and then, later, go with the rest of the bloggers to BlowOff.

Then, the phone rang. It was Tim & Donn. They were not going to BlowOff, and they really wanted us to join them in the lobby of The Washington Plaza hotel for a few drinks and some hot man cruising fun. So, we altered our evening’s plans and decided to blow off BlowOff (and it’s $20 cover charge!) Instead, we opted to go to the circus hotel lobby thingie which was free.

So, we headed out on a rather balmy January evening (I love global warming in the winter time!) and made it to Jimbo's a little early because there wasn’t any traffic. That was cool though, because we got to chat with Jimbo for a little while and see his impressive happy lamp and sexy computer slide show. The friends and bloggers eventually started showing up. We saw Carl, Clickboo, and the one they call Mr. Bartender. We also saw Tos and his Boo and the handsome, pursed lipped one and his sexy, newly furry faced husband. There were quite a few others there that I didn’t know.

Some time at around 10:00, we made our exit and picked up something in the truck and made our way down to the hotel passing Jimbo and the blogger friends on their way to BlowOff I hope you guys all had a blast.

It was a beautiful night for a walk in the city, and we made it to the hotel in about 15 minutes. We found Tim hanging out in the lobby, but Donn was having a disco nap and (we were told) would be down shortly. So, we got drinks and hung out and pointed out the hotties with Tim and chatted with a few of his friends.

There were quite a few handsome men there when we first arrived, and I kind of liked the masculine atmosphere and all the crotch grabbing that I saw. (I guess those leather studded jocks can be uncomfortable!)

WTF?!?I could have done without some of the weirdo stuff though. Not that it bothers or offends me, I just personally think that some of it looks really dumb. We saw an odd sort of scuba-diving team all hanging out together like they were waiting, ready to dive into the water. There was some guy there in a football uniform. There was a leather clad Canadian Mountie and a few members of Maul Security were there too. A few punkers with mohawks, lots of tattooed all over guys. We even saw Buster the balloon popping porn star hanging out. This was all in addition to your various assorted leather guys in chaps and harnesses.

I had been warned at Jimbo’s party about the dogs, but aside from a few guys on leashes walking around with their owners, the only dog I saw was a Golden Lab. They also had told me at Jimbo’s party to use the unisex bathroom which was good advice since I didn’t feel like sharing my piss with anyone. I’m selfish that way, I guess.

I also heard popping sounds coming from across the room and figured that they must have had a large popcorn popper over there and you could hear it popping and snapping as it cooked. I wasn’t very hungry for popcorn, so I didn’t wander over to get any. You probably had to buy tickets anyway. A lot of people must have wanted popcorn though, because there was a large crowd gathered around the cracking noises taking pictures and stuff.

Donn finally showed up, complaining of a sore knee. Someone didn’t use his knee pads! We all hung out together, checking out the scene. I got drunk enough to get the bravado to take off my shirt, so I didn’t feel so alienated from the crowd.

After a little while, and a few too may cocktails, we decided to leave and hugged all of our friends goodbye. We wished everyone good luck with their conquests and made our way out (ALONE AS USUAL - We suck at the cruising game!) into the light mist of the night and walked back to the truck.

And, that’s where the story ends.

I refuse to talk about the ride home. Let’s just say that I’ve got to find a better way to get the bravado to take off my shirt in socially acceptable gay situations like that.

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Malegram For Mongo

Hot Fucker!This blog entry is posted here so as not to soil The Kingdom of the Bald Monkey’s peaceful domain with it’s content. (What a scary fucking picture!) Bubala and I aren’t much into the leather thing. We probably could pull it off if we were younger (or, is that older?) and I didn’t feel like and look like a completely, pathetic dork just getting back from a shopping trip at The Nostalgia Factory.

The whole dress up thing is not our scene at all. Just like collecting lots of sexual partners isn’t our cup of tea either. It all just seems like there is too much work involved. It’s the weekend, and I’m relaxing!

That is, until our friend Donn called to see if we were going to be heading downtown for any of the MAL events. I told him that we really hadn’t talked about it. Bubala was off from work on Saturday, so we may head downtown, but we really aren’t into the leather thing and we always feel completely alienated just hanging out with a bunch of leather guys with us just standing there in our t-shirts and sneakers. Donn told me that there are plenty of guys there in their jeans just hanging out, so we should think about it. I told him we may show up at Jimbo’s pre-BlowOff gathering and maybe at BlowOff. (to make requests for music with REAL DRUMMERS!) but that would most likely be the extent of it. (And no, I will not be dressed anything like that complete idiot in that picture!)

Donn was so sweet though, reassuring me and telling me that we really should head downtown and get lucky have some fun. He worries that Bubala and I don’t get it on with other hot fuckers enough have enough extra-curricular activities. Whether or not we make it downtown to prowl around on the hunt for hot men remains to be seen though.

I do hope that everyone has a safe and happy time at MAL though. And, if you see this guy pissing on anyone, please take pics and send them to me. That would be fuckin’ hot to look at for a wank or two.

I leave you now with my pathetically, shaming, dorko picture (suck it in dude!) for you to pick apart and criticize my pale, underdeveloped winter body in your comments to Bubala. Just don’t make him cry, or I’m kickin’ ass!

Oh yeah, and here are some new MAL acronyms I thought up just for you. Enjoy!

MAL Acronyms:

Most Attention Lovers - For those who go just to be looked at.
Muscle Attitude Language - For those that are too dumb to make conversation.
Macho Arrogant Losers - For those that are too good for it all.
Mostly Antique Leftovers - For those in gropes I mean groups.
Middle Aged Loners - For those that are there by themselves.
Men Alcohol Lube - For those who enjoy the combination.
Mr. Ass Licker - For that special slutty someone in your life.
Mario And Luigi - For those hung like a Donkey Kong.
Mutilated Animal Lingerie - For what you will be wearing.
More Acronyms Later - For when I think of more or when you do.

Thursday, January 11, 2007

Soundtrack Available On Dreamworks

Do your dreams ever have soundtracks?

Mine did last night. I dreamt that Mumi and I were traveling across the country following the U.S. tour of one of his favorite bands, Porcupine Tree. This is not such a stretch, since we usually do travel around the country to see them. Everywhere we went, there was awesome music playing in the background.

Funny thing is, that even though the dream was about following Porcupine Tree around, the soundtrack was all songs by R.E.M. The music seemed to set the mood for each scene of the dream. While driving long stretches of open highway, Driver 8 played in the background. During the diner/restaurant scene, Orange Crush was playing on the juke box. During the sexy, x-rated hotel room scene, The One I Love was playing.

It was really pretty neat.

I guess it won't be too long before commercials start showing up in my dreams though. That'll suck. You know that they'll drop those commercials in there right at the best part of the dream too. Right when I'm about to get naked and make out with the hot, hairy guy. Or, right when I'm about to win the $100,000,000 mega-bucks lottery...

Zap! Cut to commercial! It'll probably be a douche commercial too. Yuck!

I'm surprised that advertisers haven't already found a way to put commerical breaks into our dreams... Or, have they? I do have this strong urge to go out and buy R.E.M. CD's today.


Wednesday, January 10, 2007

S & M & M & M

New music that I really like a lot...

1. Mew (Review stolen from Spin Magazine.)

MewWho? Hailing from Copenhagen, Denmark, the core members of Mew -- vocalist Jonas Bjerre, guitarist Bo Madsen, and drummer Silas Graae -- dropped their first-ever U.S. release this week after snatching up nearly every music prize offered in their home country and building a rabid fan base.

What's the Deal? They're experimental enough to woo fans of Radiohead, and straightforward enough to lap up lovers of Coldplay on their fourth album, And the Glass Handed Kites. The most active ingredient in Mew's formula is Bjerre's voice, its range unfathomably broad, making it almost impossible to believe that the same man sings the sugary choruses on "Special" and the aggressive chants on "Apocalypso." And on "The Zookeeper's Boy" it's absolutely heavenly, a spectral rinse coursing through a twinkling, fairy tale of a song.

Listen to Mew on their MySpace page.

2. Melody Club (Review stolen from Melody Club's MySpace page..)

Melody Club
Melody Club will enslave you with a blend of disco, punk and new wave mayhem. The tunes will make your head rotate with pleasure. Melody Club took the best pop music you ever heard, rammed it into their power blender and poured it into my ears.

Listen to Melody Club on their MySpace page.

3. Mute Math (Review stolen from Spin Magazine.)

Mute MathWho? Paul Meany and Roy Mitchell-Cardenas jammed in a New Orleans band called Earthsuit, doing that Linkin Park-style rap-rock in the late '90s. Darren King, from Springfield, Mo. was a fan of the band, tracked them down, and had a brief, disastrous stint. "He up-staged the singer -- he wasn't meant to be in the back of the stage," Meany told SPIN.com. They all ditched Earthsuit and started Mute Math in 2001 with guitarist Greg Hill, another Springfield transplant. After selling 30,000 units of an EP, Mute Math last year left New Orleans to record a debut LP in Nashville, and they started video blogging their early 2006 gigs to develop a passionate Internet audience. Live attendance grew exponentially, and Warner Bros. Records swooped in to sign a re-release deal.

What's the Deal? Musically restless, this spazzy band combine U2's Christian-flavored bombast ("Chaos"), Kasabian explosions ("Collapse"), Police melodies ("Noticed"), spiritualized fuzz-outs, and electro-glitch experimentation. At times, with Meany crooning at the piano amidst muscular beats, it's Coldplay washing down steroids with Red Bull-vodka. Live shows are a set up for scene-stealer King: In duct-taped headphones, he becomes a perpetual-motion machine, launching into exotic, crowd-pumping solos.

Listen to Mute Math on their MySpace page.

4. Shiny Toy Guns (Review stolen from Spin Magazine.)

Shiny Toy GunsWho? Shiny Toy Guns are Chad Petree (vocals, synths, guitar, bass), Jeremy Dawson (synths, programming), Carah Faye (vocals), Mikey Martin (drums). Formed in Shawnee, Oklahoma in 2002, the band built a huge MySpace following before signing to Universal and releasing We Are Pilots.

What's the Deal? We Are Pilots draws on elements of trance, new wave, and indie rock, and the band fire an assault of electronica layered with boy-girl melodies from Petree and Faye. Faye's vox especially soars on fan-favorite "Le Disko," and uber-danceable "Don't Cry Out" and "Your Are The One" have been in heavy rotation on MySpace.

Listen to Shiny Toy Guns on their MySpace page.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Speaking Of Meat...

I have been doing okay with my New Year's resolutions so far. I have exercised about half of the days so far this year. I have had sex and/or masturbated a little over half of the days so far this year. I think that I am being nicer, but I can't be so sure about that. I'll let you all decide. I hung out with a friend already once so far this year. I am latch-hooking my way towards greater creative satisfaction. And finally, not by my own choice, I am sleeping a lot less that I used to so far this year. (Stupid job...)

That only leaves cooking at home more...

Well, so far this year, I have cooked dinner for Mumi and me one night a week. Yeah, that probably doesn't sound all that impressive until you consider that I cooked dinner zero times during all of last year. Last week, it was easy. I bought a frozen bag of junk that you just drop into a crockpot, add some water to it and come back 8 hours later. No problem. It was pretty good too.

This week, I got a little more daring. I went to the store and bought a marinated pork tenderloin. (On sale for $3.99/pound. I'm so thrifty!) It's cooking right now. I have my meat thermometer ready to check on it in about 30 minutes. I'm also going to also whip up some instant mashed potatoes and nuke a can of Green Giant string beans to go along with the pork. Should be pretty tasty. It certainly smells good enough.

I have to admit though that I was totally grossed out by touching raw meat. I almost gagged. Who'd a thunk I could have been so grossed out by a big, fat, juicy, hunk of meat?

You Can Call Me Tos

Wow! What a week full of work I just had. I worked 36 hours over the weekend alone! Then, I had to be back at work on Monday morning. I feel like Tos! Fortunately, I have today off, so I can sit back and relax a bit. Phew...

Sue JohansonI took a tip from dBud and TIVO'ed Sex Talk with Sue Johanson this past Sunday night. That is some seriously funny stuff! Creepy in a way, but too frickin' funny! I think I need to start posting some of my favorite quotes from the show. This week, the winning quote would definitely be when Sue said to a caller...

"Swallowing ejaculate is definitely an acquired taste."

I accidentally spit out my milk and cookies after she said that! Ever have a chocolate chip come out through your nostril? It's not fun. Trust me.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Hooked On Latch Hook

Latch HookerI bought a latch hook rug kit yesterday. I shit you not! I really did. I don't really know why. Maybe I am gayer than I thought. Maybe I am just trying to impress this guy. I remember reading somewhere that he likes latch hook rugs. Maybe I'll start having latch hooking parties at my place. Who's up for it?

I'll keep you posted on how my Charlie Brown latch hook rug is coming along.

Charlie Brown

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Robot Chicken

Robot Chicken
I love Robot Chicken on Adult Swim.

Sure, I'm a year or two late in discovering the show, but I still love it all the same.

I think that Seth Green is hot. He's not normally my type of guy, but something about him makes me swoon. He was especially cute during the Greg The Bunny time period, circa 2002.

Monday, January 01, 2007


Yes folks, here it is. Another lame January 1st New Year's resolutions blog...

New Year's Day
In 2007 I resolve to:
  1. Start cooking at home more. We eat out way too much. 8 to 10 times a week, at least. Seriously. I'm sure that all of that restaurant food that we're choking down can't be all that good for us. And, the money that we spend at restaurants in one week would probably buy groceries for at least two weeks. So, I'm going to fire up my crock pot and maybe actually turn on the oven some time and get cookin' as they say.

  2. Start working out again. I was being good there for a while. Doing my crunches, hiking, even biking a bit. I was thin and in shape. I liked the way I looked naked. Then, Autumn came around and I got very lazy. I'm not too far gone though, so it's time to start working up a sweat again. We are planning on joining the new Planet Fitness opening down the street. Only $10 a month and no contracts! Anyone know anything about this club?

  3. Have more sex/masturbate more. Speaking of working up a sweat... There is certainly no such thing as too much sex. Is there? You gotta use it or or you'll lose it, right? I remember one year, long ago, when I was a teenager, I resolved to masturbate at least once a day every day for the whole year. Two weeks later, with a very sore dick, I broke that resolution. Now that I have learned all about the joys of lubes and lotions, however, I should be able to keep this resolution this time. Plus, as an added bonus, no more dry, cracked skin on my hands!

  4. Be nicer. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "Nicer?!? He's already the nicest guy I know. How could he even get any nicer?" You are thinking that, aren't you? Well, f@#% you then! Seriously though, I can be a real bitch sometimes. I need to work on my patience and tolerance. Just a little.

  5. Develop new and strengthen existing friendships. There certainly is no such thing as too many friends. Is there? We have made many great friends over the past year or so. This year, I would really like to concentrate being more social. Getting out, seeing the world a little bit more, hanging out with good people and having a great time. Would you care to join us?

  6. Put more effort into art and music. I have been recording music for over 15 years now. It's a hobby that I get tremendous positive therapeutic value from. I really want to devote more time and energy to that. I also take pictures. I'm certainly not a professional photographer, but I do enjoy digital photography and photographic manipulation. I also write poetry. I want to spend more time doing these things.

  7. Sleep less. I have been sleeping way too much lately! I work weird hours sometimes, so I do have to sleep in every now and then. I do not need to stay in bed for ten, eleven or even twelve hours every night though.
Editor's Note: Immediately after publishing this blog, I went out to McDonald's for a Big Mac, super-size fries and a jumbo chocolate milkshake. Then, feeling guilty for putting all those calories in my mouth, I attempted to do some crunches. That shit is too hard though, so I gave up after after two and a half sit-ups. I was so depressed that I figured I'd lighten my mood by jerking off. I couldn't get it up though. All of this put into a really pissy mood, so I called my new friend Tony and told him that I hated his new hair cut and that it makes him look like a big old queen. I thought about writing a poem about this whole experience, but then I decided that poetry is really faggy. Damn it all to Hell! I'm going to just sleep for the rest of the day!