A Little Birdy Told Me...

...to stay the Hell away from her babies!



I tried to play mother bird the other day. When I went outside to check up on the three little baby birds in the nest in our yard, I noticed that two of the three baby birds were gone and that the mother was nowhere in sight. I kept checking up on the lone baby bird for most of the day and the mother bird was never there. Some time around the end of the day, I began to get concerned for the remaining baby bird's well being. I figured that the baby bird might have been abandoned by it's mother after the other two babies flew the coop.

I did some research on the Internet about how to care for an abandoned baby bird. All of the sites I visited on the 'net, however, told me not to try to care for the bird. Instead, they all recommended that I take the bird to a local animal rescue facility.

Hogwash! I'm sure that I can take care of a baby bird. How hard can that be?

"Let's see. I'm going to need some worms," I thought to myself. So, I went digging around the yard, hunting for worms. Since the ground was not all that moist due to a lack of recent rainfall, I was not having much luck finding a suitable meal for my newly adopted little baby. Finally, I found a couple of small earthworms under a rock. They were not all that big, but they would have to do.

I remembered from somewhere, possibly the Discovery Channel, that mother birds usually eat their baby's food first and then regurgitate it back up and feed it to the baby bird. Um, well... that wasn't going to happen. This baby bird was going to have to eat his worms raw.

So, I reached my hand slowly into the tree, towards the nest, with the tiny worms wriggling and dangling from my fingers. I was trying to make this meal look appetizing to the little baby bird and I figured the more wriggle, the better.

Well, I guess that baby birds aren't too thrilled about having big old human hands intruding into their nest space, even with tasty worms dangling from their fingers, because when I got too close, the little baby bird took off out of the nest and sort of flew to the ground, screeching all of the way down.

It was right at this moment, that the mother bird returned to her nest and, seeing that I was attacking her little baby, she went a little crazy. She flew round my head and screeched and squawked like a mad-bird. She chased me around the yard, trying her hardest to scare me away. It worked. I certainly wasn't going to stand around while some insane mother bird pecked my eyes out. I hightailed it into the house.

After allowing the mother bird a few minutes to cool down, I went back outside to check up on the situation. The little baby bird was still out there on the ground, so I carefully lifted it back up into the nest. The mother bird was still there too, although she was not quite as riled up as she had been. She stayed her distance, thankfully. She gave me a few disapproving screeches as I fondled her little baby, but she didn't try to peck my eyes out this time.

I think from now on though, whenever I see baby birds in a nest, I'll admire them from afar. No more interfering with good 'ol Mother Nature. Yep, I think I'll leave all that bird rearing stuff to the experts...


Interesting Funny Fact: The scientific name for the American Robin is Turdus migratorius. Bwah ha ha! Really! I'm not making that up! Look that up in your Funk & Wagnalls!

My Part Time Job As A Roadie

Well, the Porcupine Tree concerts are over. For now, at least. Rumor is that that the band will be returning in the Fall. Oh joy...

So, anyway, I won't be boring you with all of the details about the shows. I'll let Mumi bore you with all of that some other time. I'll just tell you about the pretty cool thing that happened to me while on the tour.

While we driving into Boston for one of the shows, we got a phone call from a P-Tree friend. Seems that the band was in need of a person to help out with some things at the merchandise booth before and after the show. They were looking for someone to hand out special t-shirts and autographed posters to fans who had purchased a special V.I.P. ticket for the show.

Since just about all of the P-Tree fans that we know (including Mumi!) practically camp out in front of the venue waiting for the doors to open so that they can rush up to the front of the stage and be right up front for the show, none of them were going to volunteer. Whoever was going to help out had to be someone that didn't care if they were right up front for the show.

Naturally, everyone immediately thought of me.

You see. It is pretty well known among all of our P-Tree friends that I don't particularly enjoy the concerts. At least not as much as most of them do. I mean, I like the band and all, but after the forth or fifth show in a row, well it loses something. For me, at least.

I hadn't even planned on attending this show as a matter of fact. Since the venue was in the same building as the hotel where we staying, I figured that Mumi could find it himself this time and I could stay up in the hotel room and relax, order some room service and watch some "pay per view" porn. (Not really. Hotel porn is always so damn heterosexual. Yuck!)

Anyway, I decided to help out the band. It seemed like something interesting to do for a change. So, I arrived at 5:30pm as I was instructed to and the nice people at the club took me into the concert venue to meet up with the guy I was supposed to be helping.

When I got into the venue, I was surprised to see that Porcupine Tree was still sound checking. Since they never let any of their fans watch during sound check, I figured that I was going to be tossed out on my ass. But, that didn't happen. The band just kept on playing for several more minutes. After the sound check was finished, members of the band were mingling throughout the club. A few of them stopped over at the merch table where I was and said hello as they autographed the V.I.P. posters and some CD's.

I kept thinking to myself how thrilled some of those folks downstairs waiting in line for the show would be to have an opportunity like this. It was just me, the road crew and the band hanging out before the show. Chatting it up, getting ready for the night's big concert event. It was pretty neat even if I'm not the biggest fan. It was interesting to see how it all comes together behind the scenes.

After the show was over, I figured my work was done for the night, but the road crew had different plans for. I got to play roadie for a while. I packed up t-shirts and CD's and hauled boxes across the room and down the elevator out to the waiting trucks. I even got to go "backstage" which in this case was not really too much of a backstage. It was more of a service area for the bars. But, it was exciting nonetheless because no one else was allowed back there besides employees and band members and the road crew.

It was certainly the most memorable P-Tree show that I have ever been to, and I have been to 26 of them so far. Hopefully, I'll get to play roadie again some day.

All you famous band type people out there keep me in mind for the next time you need a roadie. I'm good and I'm cheap labor. All I wanted for helping P-Tree out was two used drumsticks. Mumi had promised me a certain sex act in return for a used drumstick, so I got him two. Now, I'll get twice as much of that certain sex act. Right? That's the best payment that I could have asked for.

How Embarrassing

Wow! I guess that I should actually look at my own blog every now and then. I mean, I read Durban Bud's comment and all, but I have to admit, I had no idea what he was referring to. I figured that maybe he thought I was "nice" and "hot" or something like that. I am nice... and hot... right?

My Life In Pictures

Wow! Time flies when you're having sex... I mean fun! I have been so busy this past week, I have not had time to fill you all in on the details of my boring little life. Hopefully, this picture essay will bring you up to speed with the thrill-a-minute existence of mine known as my life.

We'll start with the end. Mumi's rear end that is. We did a little naked boating the day before our anniversary. Naked boating is always fun. I tried to find a pic of me naked out there on the boat to post, but they were all way too explicit. I do like to leave some things to the imagination, after all. Besides, Mumi looks a lot better naked than I do, so no big loss.

Mumi got a little pregnant from all of that hot, naked boat sex and the next day, he had a baby! Actually, the baby in the pic is my new nephew. He was born on May 14th. Mumi is doing his best newborn baby imitation in the pic, by the way.

There must have been some hot, naked bird boat sex happening some time recently too. There is a little nest of birds in our yard. Right after I snapped this picture, the mother bird screamed, "No paparazzi!" and chased me into the house.

We went to a couple of Porcupine Tree concerts over the past week. And, we still have a couple more to go. Mumi loves his Porcupine Tree shows. The concert venues didn't allow photography during the shows, so I took this picture of pretty lights for you.

While in New York City for a P-Tree concert, we ate all of the finest restaurants!

Other than that, I haven't really been doing all that much. Well, besides playing with my balls that is. I've been doing way too much of that!

(Bingo balls! I've been working a lot. Get your minds out of the gutter people!)

Little Conversations

Eavesdropping can be fun!

Here is a little conversation that Mumi overheard the other night while we were browsing for fluorescent pink leggings and nose rings at Hot Topic.

Teenage Boy #1: "Damn it! How come everywhere I go, gay guys are always looking at me and checking me out?"

Teenage Boy #2: "Dude, you shouldn't worry about it. In fact you should probably be flattered. Gay guys are really picky about looks, you know. You must be hot."

These Go To Eleven

Eleven years ago tonight, Mumi and I went on our very first date. We went to see Twister. The movie was okay, but the eleven years of love, companionship, brotherhood, friendship, sex, hugs, kisses and cuddling ever since that night have been the most fantastic years of my life. I love my Mumi more than all of the 347,133,600 seconds that have passed since our first date. He is my other half. With him, I am complete.

We haven't quite decided what to do to celebrate our anniversary. Of course, we'll have a nice dinner together, and we'll probably make out at some point during the night. Other than that though, we're not sure. Maybe we'll watch Twister again and we can hold each other really tight during the scary parts.

I Still Love You Though

It's been a while since I updated you about any new music that I have been buying or listening to. It's not that I don't love you any more or that I forgot about you or anything like that. It's simply becuase I really haven't been buying too much new music lately. Nothing out there was all that exciting to me. I did pick up a couple of CD's last week though. Check 'em out if you want to.


Dntel - Dumb Luck


Klaxons - Myths Of The Near Future

Where A Kid Mumi & A Bubala Can Be A Kid

I bet you can't guess where we went this past Tuesday night...


It was my nephew's 2nd Birthday so I treated him to a night on the town at Chuck E. Cheese. Where a kid (and grown ups) can be a kid.


There was a band, but they seemed a little stiff and robotic to me. Maybe they just need to practice a bit more.


Mario from Super Mario Brothers was there moonlighting as a drummer. Mumi could resist grabbing hold of that handlebar mustache. Mario is hot!


There was a scary chicken lady in the band. I did not like her at all. She kept staring at me everywhere I went.


There were fun games to play.


There were great prizes to win! We got all of this for only $37.50 worth of tokens. Wow!


Mumi likes to pretend drive. He hogged this ride for most of the night. Some kids went home crying because they didn't get a turn.


Hmmmm... That scary chicken lady doesn't look all that bad in this picture. She's actually kind of sexy. It's amazing what they can do with a little airbrushing.


Oh yeah, I guess my nephew had a good time too.

The highlight of the night for me was watching the little kids run around begging the adults for tokens. They would go up to complete strangers (like me, for example) and literally beg for tokens. It was like they were addicts or something. They had wild looks on their faces, trying to get their token fix. I'm surprised that none of them thought to scrawl a message on the back of a pizza box and stand on the corner out front and bum tokens. Very amusing. Also, our totally gay host for the evening totally undercharged us for the party. I tried to tell him, but he wouldn't listen to me. Mumi insists that he gave us a deal because he was sweet for us. Maybe. Sometimes it really pays to be gay!

Do You Remember...

...what you were doing at the exact moment when you fell in love? This assumes, of course, that you have actually fallen in love with someone (other than yourself) at some point in your life.

In my case, the only person that I have ever really been in love with is my beautiful bald monkey, Mumi. He is the first man I ever dated. He is also the first man I ever kissed. Before I met him, I hated kissing. I thought that it was totally disgusting. Sticking your tongue into someone else's mouth and going all "nyah... nyah... mwah... mwah... mwah... slurp... slurp." It had always seemed so nauseating to me. Of course, that was back when I was only kissing girls. Mumi changed all of that for me. I love kissing him now. Feeling my furry face pressed up against his. Tasting his tongue as it darts in and out of my mouth. Biting his lips, ever so gently. It's all pretty friggin' nice, let me tell you.

So anyway, back to falling in love. I was loading some songs onto the iPod yesterday when I came across a CD called 'Sons Of Somerled' by an artist named Steve McDonald. Most of you have probably never even heard of him. It's a Celtic music CD that I picked up while working at Tower Records. Nothing special. Just a bunch of synthesizers and layered vocals and songs about love and war and loss.

Anyway, let's go back in time. Back to June, 1996. I had been dating Mumi for a few weeks. I liked him a lot, but I didn't love him yet. In fact, having just recently come out to my family, I was very confused about how I wanted to spend the rest of my life. There was a part of me that wanted to say screw all of this. I'm not going to be gay. Too much pressure. I can't deal with all of that. Part of me wanted to run away from my first relationship with another man and never look back.

Fortunately, there was a much bigger part of me that knew that I was exactly who I thought I was and that there was no way I could change that. I was gay. I liked men. Mumi was a man. And a nice looking one to boot. Even though it was difficult for me to stay in the relationship, not knowing what my future as a gay man would be like, I hung in there. And, some time, during the third or fourth week of dating, I fell in love. Hard!

I was leaving a party at my Uncle's house on the Eastern Shore of Maryland. I was heading to Mumi's parent's place to meet up with him for another date. Traffic was heavy on the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. So heavy that I had to stop several times on the bridge. To pass the time, I popped in the Steve McDonald CD to check it out. Like I said before, it was nothing special. Nice songs. Nice synth work. Beautifully layered vocals. Then, a song came on that would change my life forever.

As I listened to the words, I was struck with a deep sense of longing. A longing to be out of that traffic and alone with Mumi. A longing to hold him tight up against me. To whisper in his ear and tell him that I loved him and that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him right there in my arms. I had no delusions that life would be a walk in the park either. I knew all about life. I knew that there would be ups and downs. There would be challenges and rewards. But, somehow, at that moment, as I listened to the words of that song, I knew that with my Mumi in my arms, we could get through it all. That we could live a beautiful life together.

I knew that he was the one.

I Will Return - by Steve McDonald

For I, will live in your life
And all your sorrow will be gone.
And I, will sing out my songs,
Will right my wrongs the best I can
And I will be free
Long before the silence fills the air.

For we have met in this life
To dance in the light, in the time we have.
And I, will call out your name
And through my pain
You will understand
The lovers' song, though love will on
Long, long after life is gone
So, just let me sing
So I may live again.

I will return, oh I will return
You can hear the echoes say.
From out of the night and into the light
I will return one day, one day.

And I will die in your arms
And all my sorrow, will be gone.
And all the things in my life,
I held so dear, must leave me now.
But I will live on
Long, after the silence,
Ends the song.

It Was Bound To Happen Someday

In fact, I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner.

Yesterday, at the gym, while pedaling on the exercise cycle, I got a little too excited. If you know what I mean. (And, I think you do!) I don't even know why. There weren't any particularly hot guys around or anything. I wasn't even thinking nasty sex thoughts or anything like that. It just sorta happened. Just like it used to happen all of the time in the sixth grade right before I had to stand up in front of the class to give my book report. Remember those days? Oh, that used to be so much fun. (sarcasm!)

It wouldn't go away either. No matter how hard I tried. And I knew that I couldn't stand up and get off of that bike until it did since I was only wearing flimsy workout shorts. I even tried thinking about ultra-nauseating things like Ann Coulter's tired old, dried up cavernous pussy hole and Karl Rove's mangina, but it didn't help. I just had to ride this one out. (Pun intended!)

On the bright side, I got a great cardio workout yesterday. I was on that exercise bike a whole lot longer than I had intended to be.

Craiglist

I have to admit it. I frequent Craiglist. I am on there at least once a day. Sometimes more. I especially like the m4m Missed Connections section. I keep on fantasizing that someday one of those hot motherf**kers from the gym will post something there about me. But, no such luck so far.

Unless... maybe this guy is searching for me:

Reply to: pers-xxxxxxxxx@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-05-01, 1:54PM EDT

We worked out at the same time today. Haven't seen you there before. You are HOT and very in-shape. It's a long shot that you'll even check this site but if you do, tell me which gym and what you were wearing so that I'll know it was you. You can tell me what I was wearing too. Hope you check it out & hope to see you again. Later.

Location: Gym
it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: xxxxxxxxx

Um, could you be any more vague?

Make Like A Tree & Leave

Every year at about this time, when I finally finish raking up all of the leaves from last year, I think to myself, "Gee, we should really start hanging out in the yard a little more." I could put up the screen house, buy a grill, maybe even get one of those little portable swimming pools and set up in the backyard. That sure would be fun. Wouldn't it?

Well, then I get bit by one or twenty of the millions of mosquitoes that are always hanging out in my yard. Or, a squirrel starts throwing leaves and twigs at me as I lounge in my lawn chair. Or, the birds start up again with incessant squawking and tweeting. Or, the neighbors start leering at me through their windows. Or, the ants start building new colonies in my armpits. Or, along comes a spider to sit down beside me. Or, the oppressive heat and humidity start to melt me. Or... well let's just say that it's always something.

Every year at about this time, when I finally finish raking up the leaves from last year, I think to myself that I am probably much better off staying inside in front of the air conditioner for the whole summer.